Healing From Complex Trauma & PTSD/CPTSD

A journey to healing from complex trauma.


Too many therapists are pushing abuse victims to feel compassion for abusers, and harming the victims healing.

Many therapists are far too ‘opinionated’ and lack insight into complex trauma, and are there just to push their views and their own agenda’s. It is well known that therapists can be ego seekers and they push their own opinions, regardless of how that harms their clients. And too many therapists have big ego’s and work outside of their own capacity of insight and needed understanding of complex trauma.

I just read of a survivor who fired her therapist who kept on defending the clients narc mother, yet never even asked what the mother had done and didn’t even know details of the abuse. So the survivor hadn’t dealt with her emotions either.

So wrong and so damaging.

How dare that therapist demand that survivor dismiss the suffering caused and invalidate the survivors needed  emotions, grieving etc. Continue reading

I love it when I am reminded of the Starfish Story

star fish

This story is what it is all about.

“Once upon a time, there was a wise man who used to go to the ocean to do his writing. He had a habit of walking on the beach before he began his work.
One day, as he was walking along the shore, he looked down the beach and saw a human figure moving like a dancer. He smiled to himself at the thought of someone who would dance to the day, and so, he walked faster to catch up.
As he got closer, he noticed that the figure was that of a young man, and that what he was doing was not dancing at all. The young man was reaching down to the shore, picking up small objects, and throwing them into the ocean.
He came closer still and called out “Good morning! May I ask what it is that you are doing?”
The young man paused, looked up, and replied “Throwing starfish into the ocean.”
“I must ask, then, why are you throwing starfish into the ocean?” asked the somewhat startled wise man.
To this, the young man replied, “The sun is up and the tide is going out. If I don’t throw them in, they’ll die.”
Upon hearing this, the wise man commented, “But, young man, do you not realize that there are miles and miles of beach and there are starfish all along every mile? You can’t possibly make a difference!”
At this, the young man bent down, picked up yet another starfish, and threw it into the ocean. As it met the water, he said,
“It made a difference for that one.”

– Loren Eiseley

This young man, had more wisdom than the wise man.

It’s not about numbers.

It’s not about thinking you can reach everyone, or even many. Continue reading


I am definitely becoming more assertive and it is needed.

I have had soft boundaries all my life. It comes with the territory of being a severe child abuse survivor, who’s parents were abusive. I didn’t learn boundaries, or how to protect myself adequately.

Unhealthy/dysfunctional people, people who wish minimize my trauma, people who project their own issues – are not people I need to be around. As much as I understand they have issues, they cannot be causing harm to my healing and my wellbeing. I am not a counsellor. I don’t deserve any more harm.

And I do not have to explain this, or justify this, to anyone. If I need to remove people from my life, I will. If I need to tell someone who is in my life – they are harming me, I will.

My healing and my capacity to cope, affects my parenting and my children are my No 1 priority, not people on the internet.

I need to look after myself and my healing, my wellbeing, because I need to parent to my fullest capacity and my children deserve this from me. So anyone who stands in the way of that, anyone who harms my healing – intentionally or unintentionally – cannot remain in my life. Continue reading


Gathering the courage to say in counselling, what should have been said months ago.

I don’t feel safe to talk about my emotions about the abusers. This is because when I have attempted to talk about it in the past, it has been trashed by my counsellors opinions and her rejecting my thoughts and how I deal with it.

My counsellor has told me I should not ‘label’ abusers, and I should not discuss personality disorders and has alluded to this being wrong, because I am not a clinician.

She has also felt it necessary to vent her views about how abusers should be thought of – the way ‘she’ views them.

I’m sure she thinks this is helping me, but it hasn’t.

All it has done is reject my thoughts, my views, my insight and my emotions and now I am at the point, where she is the last person I will discuss and talk to about my mother, my step father, the paedophile, the psychopath etc.

I sit there cringing, waiting for something to be said, that invalidates, rejects, makes excuses for what they did, and forces her opinion onto me.

This has harmed my healing considerably.

And quite frankly, who the fuck is she to tell me what I think is wrong, my emotions are wrong and invalidate and reject what I know, believe and feel!?

She has no right to do that.

Her ‘opinions’ are nothing more than that. It does not mean she is right.

It is like the abusers demanded, that I see it ‘their’ way and I’m not good enough and I’m wrong, if I don’t. Continue reading

No-one has a right to tell us how to feel and think about those who harmed us.

A post to my page…

I have come to understand that I do not have to tolerate people telling me or anyone else we are not entitled to intense emotions and informed views about those who harmed us.

We do not have to feel sorry for abusers, we do not have to forgive them, and we are allowed and need all the needed and appropriate emotions of anger, hurt, betrayal, pain, depression etc.

And anyone who suggests otherwise, needs to be quiet, because all these emotions are part of processing the trauma, part of all the grieving. And this takes as long as it takes, there is no set time limit.

Suppressing these emotions, is damaging to the healing process. As those emotions need to be expressed and need to be dealt with.

No-one has a right to ‘tell’ us what we should and should not feel.

No-one has a right to shame us, or make us feel worse for having rightful emotions. Continue reading