I don’t feel safe to talk about my emotions about the abusers. This is because when I have attempted to talk about it in the past, it has been trashed by my counsellors opinions and her rejecting my thoughts and how I deal with it.
My counsellor has told me I should not ‘label’ abusers, and I should not discuss personality disorders and has alluded to this being wrong, because I am not a clinician.
She has also felt it necessary to vent her views about how abusers should be thought of – the way ‘she’ views them.
I’m sure she thinks this is helping me, but it hasn’t.
All it has done is reject my thoughts, my views, my insight and my emotions and now I am at the point, where she is the last person I will discuss and talk to about my mother, my step father, the paedophile, the psychopath etc.
I sit there cringing, waiting for something to be said, that invalidates, rejects, makes excuses for what they did, and forces her opinion onto me.
This has harmed my healing considerably.
And quite frankly, who the fuck is she to tell me what I think is wrong, my emotions are wrong and invalidate and reject what I know, believe and feel!?
She has no right to do that.
Her ‘opinions’ are nothing more than that. It does not mean she is right.
It is like the abusers demanded, that I see it ‘their’ way and I’m not good enough and I’m wrong, if I don’t.
I’ve been spending months avoiding certain ‘off limit’ subjects and sticking to ‘safer’ ones and that is not how counselling should be.
If she believes my views and need to label, discuss personality disorder issues, are wrong…… she should have kept that to herself, and allowed me to deal with all my emotions first and then maybe tackle that later on.
But, she didn’t. It offended ‘her’ views and she has completely trashed any safety I needed to discuss my emotions about the people who intentionally hurt me and made me suffer.
This is the story of my life……… other people projecting their views, their opinions and telling me I am wrong.
And this is ‘my’ life and ‘my’ healing and that matters. I matter.
So, I will be letting her know this at my next appointment.