Healing From Complex Trauma & PTSD/CPTSD

A journey to healing from complex trauma.

Gathering the courage to say in counselling, what should have been said months ago.


I don’t feel safe to talk about my emotions about the abusers. This is because when I have attempted to talk about it in the past, it has been trashed by my counsellors opinions and her rejecting my thoughts and how I deal with it.

My counsellor has told me I should not ‘label’ abusers, and I should not discuss personality disorders and has alluded to this being wrong, because I am not a clinician.

She has also felt it necessary to vent her views about how abusers should be thought of – the way ‘she’ views them.

I’m sure she thinks this is helping me, but it hasn’t.

All it has done is reject my thoughts, my views, my insight and my emotions and now I am at the point, where she is the last person I will discuss and talk to about my mother, my step father, the paedophile, the psychopath etc.

I sit there cringing, waiting for something to be said, that invalidates, rejects, makes excuses for what they did, and forces her opinion onto me.

This has harmed my healing considerably.

And quite frankly, who the fuck is she to tell me what I think is wrong, my emotions are wrong and invalidate and reject what I know, believe and feel!?

She has no right to do that.

Her ‘opinions’ are nothing more than that. It does not mean she is right.

It is like the abusers demanded, that I see it ‘their’ way and I’m not good enough and I’m wrong, if I don’t.

I’ve been spending months avoiding certain ‘off limit’ subjects and sticking to ‘safer’ ones and that is not how counselling should be.

If she believes my views and need to label, discuss personality disorder issues, are wrong…… she should have kept that to herself, and allowed me to deal with all my emotions first and then maybe tackle that later on.

But, she didn’t. It offended ‘her’ views and she has completely trashed any safety I needed to discuss my emotions about the people who intentionally hurt me and made me suffer.

This is the story of my life……… other people projecting their views, their opinions and telling me I am wrong.

And this is ‘my’ life and ‘my’ healing and that matters. I matter.

So, I will be letting her know this at my next appointment.

Author: Healing From Complex Trauma & PTSD/CPTSD

I am a survivor of complex and multiple trauma and abuse, who at the age of 40, began my healing journey. I am using my journey to recovery and healing, to help others, to help survivors feel less alone, validated, encouraged and to enable others to understand themselves more. Complex trauma, particularly from severe, prolonged childhood abuse, is profoundly life changing. Complex trauma produces complex adults. The journey to recovery is a painful, often lonely, emotional daily challenge and it is my aim to encourage others in their daily battle. ~ Lilly Hope Lucario

6 thoughts on “Gathering the courage to say in counselling, what should have been said months ago.

  1. You do matter. This really upsets me for you. You deserve someone who validates your feelings – as they are extremely valid. I hope it goes well when you discuss this with your counsellor but even if she doesn’t take it well – that is her issue.

  2. You matter. Have you considered that the why of abusers behavior may always be out of reach? Not only to your therapist, but even to the perps, themselves. Labels and Dx are never quite right, as every person is so unique with their own lost childhoods and hidden memories that no one else can ever know entirely. You DO matter. Your own therapy matters and your opinions matter and how you feel matters, much, much more than trying to figure out how to diagnose monsters. Taking away the power of monsters and diverting that energy to helping yourself and your children to heal and grow, is the message I am taking out of the small amount I have read, thus far. Your courage in sharing astounds me, and keeping with therapy, even when the abyss looms, or when your experience is so far outside of what a good hearted counselor’s imagination can conceive, is wonderfully courageous.

    How wonderful that God gifted you the capacity to survive and protect your basic loving core. Yes, there is a cost ,a terrible terrible, cost, but YOU survived. YOU are still here. God bless you and keep you, beautiful one. You are doing the work of Angels, writing all of these words. Thank you for all that you have done.

  3. doesnt sound like a healthy councellor to me

  4. Pure evil is beyond understanding. There can be no sympathy for something without heart, so alien and wrong. Monsters can only be fought. Would that such evil could be stopped before it manifests.

    This anger you feel has helped provide have the strength to live. Righteous anger will help you to keep finding the strength to keep working to triumph over the disgust and helplessness and pain and provide the protection and safety needed to love and heal the most damaged and hurt parts of yourself. Anger can help to identify new dangers and echoes of old evils.

    This metamorphosis you are undergoing is truly an amazing and beautiful transformation. Everyone derives benefit from your work, your journey, your healing.

    That you are able to share your anguish for the sake of helping others is an immense and helpful gift to the innocent and abused of this world.
    We thank you.
    I thank you.
    There are others, who do not know of your struggle, who will feel the beautiful ripples spreading from your sharing and love. They also thank you.

    God bless you and keep you and all of those whom you hold in your heart.

  5. I am a therapist specializing in abuse and I cannot imagine how a counselor can invalidate you like this! Keep looking until you can completely be yourself with a counselor who understands trauma. A healing therapeutic relationship is based on trust and attunement to the client.