Healing From Complex Trauma & PTSD/CPTSD

A journey to healing from complex trauma.

Standing up for myself …. face to face …… doesn’t seem to get any easier.

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I am being more assertive these days, and not allowing others to invalidate and minimize my journey, and not project their opinions on me.

Doing that face to face with someone, is not easy for me. In fact, I hate it and would rather avoid it at all costs.

Yesterday, I dealt with confrontation with my counsellor and I said what I needed to say. I told her that she has not created a safe enough place for me to speak and projects her own opinions too much. I told her that she has invalidated my own thoughts too often and that her opinion is nothing more than that – an opinion and that she in fact does not have an opinion of my life, and all the trauma and those who caused it, because she was not there.

It was horrible. I hated it. My anxiety was through the roof. I was struggling not to just zone out. I was emotional, defensive, struggled to get my words out, struggled to convey what I meant. And I said I knew I was struggling with it and being defensive.

I explained that I didn’t even feel safe, to explain that I don’t feel safe.

Being a people pleaser most of my life …… and that being my place of safety ……means doing the opposite of that is extremely difficult for me.

She listened, she accepted what she has done that has made me feel unsafe. She accepted she could have done it differently. She suggested what we could do to try and change this and create more safety.

I’m still getting my head around it and I am mentally and emotionally exhausted.

Author: Healing From Complex Trauma & PTSD/CPTSD

I am a survivor of complex and multiple trauma and abuse, who at the age of 40, began my healing journey. I am using my journey to recovery and healing, to help others, to help survivors feel less alone, validated, encouraged and to enable others to understand themselves more. Complex trauma, particularly from severe, prolonged childhood abuse, is profoundly life changing. Complex trauma produces complex adults. The journey to recovery is a painful, often lonely, emotional daily challenge and it is my aim to encourage others in their daily battle. ~ Lilly Hope Lucario

2 thoughts on “Standing up for myself …. face to face …… doesn’t seem to get any easier.

  1. Wow good for you sister! I am so proud of you! I was the same way until about 5 years ago. I was put in a situation that gave me no choice. After that day I never looked back! I don’t seek confrontation, but if I feel I am not being treated in a respectful manor I will stand up for myself. I am so proud of you!! You are getting stronger. Love you lots sister God bless you! ❤