I am being more assertive these days, and not allowing others to invalidate and minimize my journey, and not project their opinions on me.
Doing that face to face with someone, is not easy for me. In fact, I hate it and would rather avoid it at all costs.
Yesterday, I dealt with confrontation with my counsellor and I said what I needed to say. I told her that she has not created a safe enough place for me to speak and projects her own opinions too much. I told her that she has invalidated my own thoughts too often and that her opinion is nothing more than that – an opinion and that she in fact does not have an opinion of my life, and all the trauma and those who caused it, because she was not there.
It was horrible. I hated it. My anxiety was through the roof. I was struggling not to just zone out. I was emotional, defensive, struggled to get my words out, struggled to convey what I meant. And I said I knew I was struggling with it and being defensive.
I explained that I didn’t even feel safe, to explain that I don’t feel safe.
Being a people pleaser most of my life …… and that being my place of safety ……means doing the opposite of that is extremely difficult for me.
She listened, she accepted what she has done that has made me feel unsafe. She accepted she could have done it differently. She suggested what we could do to try and change this and create more safety.
I’m still getting my head around it and I am mentally and emotionally exhausted.