Healing From Complex Trauma & PTSD/CPTSD

A journey to healing from complex trauma.

Detaching emotionally, is clearly my current place of safety.

4 Comments

I realise that my desire or capacity to be emotionally attached to anyone, is at it’s all time lowest. I think I truly have given up. I realise I have disconnected emotionally from my husband and my counsellor, both for different reasons.

I feel disconnected from my husband in more ways than I want to write about.

For a long time I did feel some kind of emotional bond with my counsellor and it’s gone. I go to counselling and do what I have to do. But, I no longer want to email her between sessions, as I have done for many months. I no longer want to rely on her, or feel attached, or connected, or ‘need’ her in any way.

I don’t want to get remotely close to anyone where I volunteer, or parents I have started to get to know. I talk about their problems and I offer them compassion and understanding, whilst keeping a big emotional distance between me and everyone, as wide as I can.

It’s like I now live in this bubble of my own. Where no-one can touch me, hurt me. Where I can block out the noise of people and be completely disconnected.

And I don’t do this intentionally, it’s not planned. But, on reflection, this is what I realise I am doing. And that makes me feel safer. It’s always been where I feel safest.

Author: Healing From Complex Trauma & PTSD/CPTSD

I am a survivor of complex and multiple trauma and abuse, who at the age of 40, began my healing journey. I am using my journey to recovery and healing, to help others, to help survivors feel less alone, validated, encouraged and to enable others to understand themselves more. Complex trauma, particularly from severe, prolonged childhood abuse, is profoundly life changing. Complex trauma produces complex adults. The journey to recovery is a painful, often lonely, emotional daily challenge and it is my aim to encourage others in their daily battle. ~ Lilly Hope Lucario

4 thoughts on “Detaching emotionally, is clearly my current place of safety.

  1. Thank you so much for your posts.
    Sometimes reading them feels like I’m
    able to breathe.

  2. Me too.

  3. I am sad when people relate to these posts, because I don’t want anyone to feel this way.

    But, I know others are going through this too, and that validation that others understand, does help ❤

  4. Sounds like your telling my story. I am at my best when detached from others. No contact, no pain. Just me. Thank you!