Healing From Complex Trauma & PTSD/CPTSD

A journey to healing from complex trauma.


I feel a post coming on, dealing in detail – all the different types of abuse my mother inflicted.

I am aware, and struggling to deal with the amount and severity of the abuse I endured by my mother. Even the last post here, re-blogged from another writer, highlighting how parentification abuse alone is deeply damaging, is so overwhelming. I am also aware, that abuse is not all I endured. Far from.

Without even thinking about it in depth, the abuse types I endured include…

Parentification abuse – severely damaging

Scapegoating abuse – described by Pete Walker as the worst childhood emotional abuse that can be endured

Sexually exploited by her to be abused by predators – severely damaging

Emotional abuse – such as blaming, shaming, rejecting when I was suicidal and deeming me a drama queen, attention seeker as a teenager

Verbal abuse – constant put downs, name calling, allowing other family members to verbally abuse me.

Severe neglect – in many profoundly damaging ways.

I don’t want to write anymore………. already I can feel the tightness in my chest,the pain rising that I cannot cope with. Continue reading


I am only responsible for my own journey, not others.

Over the last few months, I have been dealing with very traumatic parts of my childhood and I have been overwhelmed, in considerable emotional pain, suicidal at times.

I shut down my Facebook page for several weeks, and withdrew from social media – including deactivating my Lilly page, while I tried to deal with my safety, my pain and my healing needs. This was about self preservation, not about any of those people I withdrew from.

Some people I was in regular contact with, have been okay with this. In the same way I would be okay with their needs to withdraw.

Some have been incredibly selfish and deemed my need to withdraw, to be terrible for ‘them’ and a few have sent me nasty, selfish messages, that are ‘all about them’. Apparently I am a terrible human being for not being there for them and I should have continued even in my own deep pain, to hurt myself further – to be there for them. According to them, my needs have not mattered, only theirs. Continue reading