Healing From Complex Trauma & PTSD/CPTSD

A journey to healing from complex trauma.


Over 7000 views today …. which freaks me out.

I can’t quite get my head around the fact that this blog has now received over 500,000 views and today alone – the views have jumped to over 7000 in one day.

It is quite overwhelming to know so many people are reading my most inner stuff. The pain of my life and my journey. The secrets I held within for decades.

This blog is about really painful stuff. Stuff most people would never divulge in a way where other people can read it and then have opinions and react to that in various ways…. as people do and not always in a nice way.

I know it takes a lot of courage to share as much as I do and to a big audience and whilst I recognise the validity and benefits to others of that, it also makes me feel quite vulnerable at times.

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For Those Who Hurt On Mother’s Day

Always so helpful to see others validating the right for those who need it, to not find Mother’s Day something to celebrate.

john pavlovitz


Today is Mother’s Day.

For many people that means flowers and handmade cards and brunches and hugs and laughter. It means celebration and gratitude and rejoicing.

But for some it just means tears.

For many moms and adult children out there, this day is a stark unsolicited reminder of what was but no longer is, or it is a heavy holiday of mourning what never was at all.

This day might bring with it the scalding sting of grief for the empty chair around a table.

It might come with choking regret for a relationship that has been horribly severed.

It might be a day of looking around at other mothers and other children, and feeling the unwelcome intrusion of jealousy that comes with comparison.

Consider this a love letter to you who are struggling today; those whose Mother’s Day experience might be rather bittersweet— or perhaps only bitter.

This is consent to feel fully the contents of your own…

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I ‘made’ Mother’s Day okay – for my children and for myself.

Following on from my earlier post about how I made the decision to ‘not’ fall apart on Mother’s Day (even though I would have every right to) …

We decided to take the boys to Cold Rock for ice-cream, which is my 6 year old’s first time there. And ‘first time’s’ matter to me. It was so cute watching my 6 year old’s excitement about choosing his ice-cream flavour and then the lollies he wanted mixed in.

Then we decided to go to one of my favourite places along the coast and take in the sun, paddle in the calm sea water, have a little walk and just have nice family time.

My 12 year old was so sweet, and wrote ‘Happy Mother’s Day ❤ =) in the sand for me – letting his brother write the word ‘day’ so he was part of it, bless him ❤ Continue reading

A post to my page about not shaming others to stay in co-dependent, dysfunctional, trauma bond, harmful relationships.

Co-dependency, Trauma Bonds, Self Harming Relationships….

Many survivors/victims of abuse stay within harmful, toxic relationships, for different reasons, they may be unaware of.

Co-dependency, trauma bonding, self harming behaviours, fear, guilt, being shamed/guilted into remaining …. are some of the reasons people choose to stay in harmful relationships and these are understandable, but unhealthy ways to cope. And people who are in those unhealthy relationships for those reasons, will defend their behaviours and for a variety of reasons.

I understand trauma bonds and co-dependency, I have had issues with this and I am addressing them, which is really hard.

So, I do understand people who are still dealing – often unaware – with their own co-dependency, trauma bonding, dysfunctional issues. I understand that is where people can be at and I have empathy for people within those abusive relationships.

People within abusive relationships cannot shame others to do the same, with whatever reasons they choose to justify, or rationalise their situation. Or shame others, by projecting opinions about forgiveness and compassion for abusers, which is very harmful to those in the healing journey. Or shame others into minimizing their trauma, or minimize the intentional abuse caused by the abusive people.

We all have the right to be supported in leaving abusive relationships and removing toxic people from our lives, and not shamed into anything unhealthy.

We have a right to our full range of emotions and express them safely and appropriately and not have a time limit imposed. Continue reading


Mother’s Day….. I am determined it will be okay.

I am determined Mother’s Day will be okay. Regardless of the past, ‘I’ am a mother, and a decent one. Not a perfect one, but one who cares for my children, loves them, and chooses to consider their emotional needs.

I am not big on celebrations like Mother’s Day, Valentines Day, but my children obviously want to celebrate Mother’s Day and I want them to have that and be happy.

Had some lovely gifts, including a handmade heart necklace, with my 6 year old’s thumb prints in it, which is so special to me, and gifts like that mean more to me, than bought gifts.


Continue reading

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Over Half A Million views on this blog!!! In exactly 2 years.


When I started my blog exactly 2 years ago, I didn’t expect anyone to read it, or expect it to become a successful blog.

It shows to me, the need for people to share in a very honest/open way & how powerful this can be, and how much this helps others in their journey’s.

Today, I will allow myself that sense of accomplishment of knowing my blog is successful, makes a difference & is supported by professionals.

It is not easy to share in such a real and vulnerable way, however, I do so, because whatever I am going through, others are. And other people matter to me.

Lilly ❤

Mother’s Day: Often a Hard Day For Victims of Child Sexual Abuse

As the adult survivor of a mother who allowed and set me up to be sexually abused, I understand the pain of Mother’s Day.


Mother’s Day is one of the hardest days of the year for the millions of people who had a mother who abandoned them, or who chose to protect a child abuser or child rapist, instead of their own child.

For many people, Mother’s Day can be heartbreaking because their mother sexually abused them.

Many adult survivors of child sexual abuse are inwardly angry about Mother’s Day, but they still choose to do the ‘social pleasantries’ in order to get along with, or be accepted by the mother who abused or abandoned them.

Others will not engage in family gatherings, but will betray themselves by buying a Mother’s Day card with all the false fluff about mothers and will sign and send the card anyway, knowing the words are untrue.

I openly admit to having done all of the above in the last twenty years.

There were a number of years…

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