Healing From Complex Trauma & PTSD/CPTSD

A journey to healing from complex trauma.

Pieces of a dark, terrible puzzle coming together.

puzzle

Over the last 3 years, I have been in this process, of all the trauma and horror of it all, coming to the surface.

And it is a painful and slow process. It has to be slow, because it would kill me to be any quicker. It has nearly killed me, many times.

Coming to understand all the different parts of the trauma, who caused them, why, is horrendous. Coming to understand the profound trauma and abuse I endured, and how it affected every area of my life, tainting everything, is traumatic in itself. It’s like more trauma occurring.

And the grieving of all this, as the layers of the trauma are peeled away, revealing deeper and deeper horror, makes the journey become harder and harder. It is a process that I don’t choose to occur. These deeper realisations occur regardless of my wanting them or not. They become revealed and fill me with pain I fail to express appropriately, or in a way that adequately explains or gives justice to.

The dark puzzle of my childhood, is filled with disgusting evil, that no child should ever endure. And whilst I hate this process, I know that it is necessary and is part of the healing process. But, it hurts. Every day. Some days it hurts more than others and can make me wish I was no longer alive to feel it any longer. Other days, it is more bearable. But, the pain is always there.

I have to hold onto hope that it will not be like this for the rest of my life. I have to hold onto hope that it will get better. Some days I have that hope. Some days I don’t.

As is the beast of healing from severe complex trauma.

Author: Healing From Complex Trauma & PTSD/CPTSD

I am a survivor of complex and multiple trauma and abuse, who at the age of 40, began my healing journey. I am using my journey to recovery and healing, to help others, to help survivors feel less alone, validated, encouraged and to enable others to understand themselves more. Complex trauma, particularly from severe, prolonged childhood abuse, is profoundly life changing. Complex trauma produces complex adults. The journey to recovery is a painful, often lonely, emotional daily challenge and it is my aim to encourage others in their daily battle. ~ Lilly Hope Lucario

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