Healing From Complex Trauma & PTSD/CPTSD

A journey to healing from complex trauma.

Clients want to know how much a therapist ‘cares’, more than how much they understand.


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This was a tweet by Mick Cooper, who is a psychologist and professor at a university.

This is a subject many don’t want to raise. But, I will.

Frankly, I cannot trust anyone who I do not believe actually genuinely cares about me. And unless they make that it very clear they do, that barrier will always be there.

Therapists, have their own physical and emotional boundaries and they need them. And that’s okay. But, this does not help complex trauma survivors, who already have such deep trust wounds.

I had some kind of bond with my therapist. And I know I have forced myself to no longer have this, for several reasons.  I have forced myself to disconnect from that, and issues that arose, have led to that.

I don’t want to be bonding with anyone, who could easily ditch me, has no genuine emotions for me, and is someone I cannot rely on, because of this.

I’ve been hurt by far too many people, who I thought cared and yet did not.

I learned my lesson, and it is not a mistake I ever intend to make again.

Author: Healing From Complex Trauma & PTSD/CPTSD

I am a survivor of complex and multiple trauma and abuse, who at the age of 40, began my healing journey. I am using my journey to recovery and healing, to help others, to help survivors feel less alone, validated, encouraged and to enable others to understand themselves more. Complex trauma, particularly from severe, prolonged childhood abuse, is profoundly life changing. Complex trauma produces complex adults. The journey to recovery is a painful, often lonely, emotional daily challenge and it is my aim to encourage others in their daily battle. ~ Lilly Hope Lucario

6 thoughts on “Clients want to know how much a therapist ‘cares’, more than how much they understand.

  1. Me too. Some don’t even show any emotion. Actually I think your right. I’m sick of being ignored and never getting my questions answered. next apt will be the deal breaker. I’m sick of being asked unemotionally how does that make me feel. She never provides any solutions to any problems. Sigh. I care about you Lilly. X

  2. i have no confidence in myself being able to tell a therapist that really cares. i’m engaged to someone who after i awoke from nightmares asked me talk about it. i did. and then after i spoke she said “move on” and i could here her snoring within ten minutes.
    what am i doing? i had a traumatic brain injury. i do not need all this. disrespect. dismissal.
    accusing that i have been demonized. not wanting sympathy just to be alone.

  3. I agree completely!

    I doubt I’ll ever go to another therapist again. Spent huge amount of money and got only more trauma.

    Pete Walker talks about the healing that can come from books and that has been true for me.

    Books or blogs like this one provide deep levels of comfort, insight, and major realizations that lead to real inner change.

  4. My therapist who I thought cared said something really hurtful today to invalidate my feelings. I came back to NZ, left my MN mother to go no contact,who was treacherously abusive still at 89, I am the scapegoat of her three children, have 6 gorgeous grandchildren and three successful grown children all in UK. Returned to a life of poverty, but one grown son of 21 here who is doing really well Dairy farming despite having Asperger’s syndrome. He has to have a hernia op, and had a heart scare. ( I lost his brother from a sudden adult death at 20)
    I feel I’m in a place at last of safety, no abusive men any more or MN mother. She asked me today if it was my stubborn pride that stopped me returning to UK. Really?? I have no money for airfare, would be no better off financially in UK, would come under horrendous abuse looking after my mother, who has said she doesn’t want me and my junk (one suitcase of clothes) living in her house BUT would have me looking after her,. There is no room for anyone else to have me live with them, and no benefit available until I lived in UK for three months. So upset. I do work doing care in the community part time, have been offered a live in job looking after a child with severe disability, vermin infested house to live in which is tumbling down and cold as the grave. I have been diagnosed with Complec PTSD, I don’t think I can cope, nobody takes it seriously. I really feel let down by the therapist, my one Ally.

    • Really sorry about that Sarah. If you are in chch I would have coffee with you just to show somebody does care. my T constantly says shit she shouldn’t to us. Sometimes I think it’s desensitization. But sometimes they just don’t have a clue.

  5. I feel so sad that so many have had harmful and traumatic experiences, with empathy impoverished therapists.

    As Pete Walker said, if a therapist harms a Complex PTSD survivor, it could well be the last time that survivor reaches out and tries to trust anyone. And he’s right. Being a survivor himself, he gets it.

    Trust issues are one of the main symptoms, of Complex PTSD and yet therapists too often want to vent their own opinions, rather than consider the client’s needs.

    It breaks my heart. We have already been hurt and harmed enough.