Healing From Complex Trauma & PTSD/CPTSD

A journey to healing from complex trauma.

My life….. turning on a smile for everyone else, while I increasingly die inside.


fake smile

My children are about to come home from school, so on goes the fake smile.

My life is now this double life I lead. The one other people see. And the real one inside.

I am dying inside, more and more.

The crushing weight of the dark reality of my past, the crucifying pain it brings, is beyond my capacity to manage.

But still, I turn on the smile, for those who need it.

Author: Healing From Complex Trauma & PTSD/CPTSD

I am a survivor of complex and multiple trauma and abuse, who at the age of 40, began my healing journey. I am using my journey to recovery and healing, to help others, to help survivors feel less alone, validated, encouraged and to enable others to understand themselves more. Complex trauma, particularly from severe, prolonged childhood abuse, is profoundly life changing. Complex trauma produces complex adults. The journey to recovery is a painful, often lonely, emotional daily challenge and it is my aim to encourage others in their daily battle. ~ Lilly Hope Lucario

2 thoughts on “My life….. turning on a smile for everyone else, while I increasingly die inside.

  1. Oh, so very true!!!

  2. I have a friend who is also a parent and does not hesitate to show her pain and frustration around her kids. A faked smile around your own child usually contains something very real. It shows that you love them enough to respect their childhood and the fact growing up is confusing enough and we need parents who can put their feeling world aside. Acting positive and upbeat to the public when you are broken inside, is sometimes necessary to keep focus off of personal matters that nobody deserves to know about or most likely cares to know about. The worst is when you have family and friends that you find yourself being a fake around and when you aren’t fake, you down deep, you are not wanted. Learning to be alone and choosing isolation may not be the best for my health, but at least I feel real. And I can’t say that I do not like myself. I think I’m alright to be around as far as we humans go. I think that I could use a dog.