I cannot read any more Royal Commission, Paedophile Priests, Cardinal Pell, Duggar posts.

I am so angry at the minimizing and excuse making for these people who commit evil child sexual abuse against children and pass it off as ‘mistakes’ and/or show no remorse or empathy.

Church people can be the most disordered, dysfunctional, manipulative, traumatising, fucked up, harmful and hypocritical people of all.

It makes me so angry due to the added levels of spiritual abuse/religious abuse and I need a break from it this week.

Back on medication. Not happy about it, but I know I need to try it.

I discussed my low mood and physical pain issues at counselling and I stated that I am aware it might be worth trying medication again.

I had managed to stop taking the heavy duty drugs – Mirtazapine, Effexor and Seroquel. I’ve been off all of those for months.

Having noted that my mood is mostly low these days, the pain in my back is increasing and now debilitating …. a less heavy duty drug I am willing to consider.

So, Luvox has been prescribed and I will take it see how it goes. It’s an Anti-Depressant with analgesic qualities, for the pain. I’ve done research and noted it is one prescribed for OCD, PTSD, MDD, anxiety.

I am becoming the person I am meant to be.

I believe in transformation, ‘becoming’.

Becoming wiser, more mature, working on growth and healing and that taking time.

I am becoming who God wants me to be, not what people demand I should be.

I know this is ongoing transforming, this becoming will continue all my life.

We are never wise enough. We never know enough. We are not God.

Apparently calling people evil is an ‘acceptable’ label in counselling.

I have come to know that I can call people who have severely abused me, what I want and no-one gets to judge that, not even my counsellor.

I know I can label them, because ‘I’ knew them and what they did and all their traits. I was there, I endured them, I do get to judge them, I get to call them what they are.

My counsellor has had issues with me labelling in the past and I have made it very clear, I will label them, because I need to know what they are to deal with the severe abuse and evil they inflicted on me.

I spoke about how my mother, step father, the paedophile, the psychopath – all willingly, intentionally and knowingly – abused me in horrific ways and I will label that evil.

This apparently was deemed okay. I don’t actually care whether my counsellor approves or not. I don’t need or care about her approval, or judgment.

I was really thankful to read an article from Christians, about the need to identify evil for what it is. And all the traits. That did help validate my understanding, my insight, my knowledge and what I know is true.

https://healingfromcomplextraumaandptsd.wordpress.com/2015/05/26/good-to-see-some-christians-call-evil-for-what-it-is-and-define-the-traits/

I have to deal with my past, whether I want to or not.

I feel like I am being dragged kicking and (quietly) screaming down this path of greater understanding of the depths of the evil committed against me.