There is a famous quote by Maya Angelou “There is no greater agony than bearing an untold story inside you”.
I actually wish I had never had to tell mine. An untold story can be agony, but there can be greater agony in telling the story.
Knowing the truth of the story, for me, is far greater agony than denial. I would rather not know mine. I would rather not have to deal with the reality of it.
I know I’m not supposed to think this. I am supposed to find comfort in being able to tell it. Well, I don’t. There is no comfort for me in knowing the truth of my story.
It’s agony knowing it.
It’s agony speaking about it.
It’s agony feeling it.
The only comfort I can find, is in numbing it all out.