I realise I have been through so much severe trauma, over so many decades, by so many people, I will never be a whole person.
I will never be someone not severely abused. I will never be someone who can be like someone who has not endured all I have.
I realise all I have ever done is survive and exist.
That is all I am doing now.
I realise I am in survival mode, because the further trauma of understanding the previous trauma done to me, means I am in survival mode.
I accept all I am doing is attempting to survive a life I should never have endured, or suffered. I didn’t deserve to suffer.
I am past all the cognitive distortions that do comfort some people; minimizing, rationalising, denial, rose coloured glasses etc.
I am a realist, and I see the reality of my life, and all I have suffered, and I will never be a whole person. Continue reading