Healing From Complex Trauma & PTSD/CPTSD

A journey to healing from complex trauma.

No, I am not ‘rationalising’ being ‘thankful’ to my abusers.


There are popular quotes that travel social media world

‘I am thankful to those who harmed me, for teaching me how not to be/making me stronger’..

Or statements to that effect. There are a few different ones. Basically all ‘thanking abusers’.

I see these rationalising posts all the time.

I am so far past these lies people feed others, or feed themselves.

No, I am not thankful to my abusers, because that is thanking evil.

No, I am not thankful they taught me how ‘not to be’ by having to endure/witness/learn their abusive ways and wanting to be different. I would much rather I had been taught how to be, by good role models, and been taught goodness via empathy and compassion.

I should be a person, who does not have a head full of horrific memories, or dealing with severe PTSD etc.

I’m not thankful to anything abusive done to me.

I never deserved it.

It should never have happened to me.

I should have had a normal, good enough childhood.

I should have been treated with respect, dignity, love, compassion, empathy and kindness.

I am not ever thankful for abuse, or to those who cause it.

I know people are comforted by rationalising, and it can be how they cope. But I am not. I deal with truth and reality.

Which is something that actually makes my life harder. But honesty and truth, is something I value and I am not able to deal with lies and dishonesty.

Not anymore.

Author: Healing From Complex Trauma & PTSD/CPTSD

I am a survivor of complex and multiple trauma and abuse, who at the age of 40, began my healing journey. I am using my journey to recovery and healing, to help others, to help survivors feel less alone, validated, encouraged and to enable others to understand themselves more. Complex trauma, particularly from severe, prolonged childhood abuse, is profoundly life changing. Complex trauma produces complex adults. The journey to recovery is a painful, often lonely, emotional daily challenge and it is my aim to encourage others in their daily battle. ~ Lilly Hope Lucario

5 thoughts on “No, I am not ‘rationalising’ being ‘thankful’ to my abusers.

  1. Absolutely absolutly!!!! Totally agree L needed to hear that today, thank you for writing 🌸🌸🌸

  2. As I read, I immediately thought: Rule #1 to becoming healthier is stop lying, especially to yourself. I appreciate you naming it what it is: Evil. I will never be thankful for evil.

    A friend recently told me they’d found peace by writing a letter to their abuser and apologizing for tempting them. I wanted to weep. I wanted to shake them and drill into their head that they hadn’t done anything wrong for which they needed to apologize. Instead, I simply told them I was happy they’d found peace.

    I am not thankful I was abused. I am thankful I’m learning to thrive in spite of it.

  3. It’s such bullshit. It’s just more ammunition for abusers to use against the ones abused

  4. I think it takes a lot of honesty and dealing with reality, to understand how much rationalising goes on and how it is lies.

    I cannot deal with lies anymore.

  5. Rape & child molestation are NOT
    “personal growth opportunities”
    they are horrific, sick & evil crimes.

    There are many other ways to learn
    “how not to be & how to be strong”.

    The idea that rape/molestation is a teaching tool or a life lesson on how to be a better person is disgusting and ignorant.