‘The Road Less Travelled’ ….. is one of several books I am in the process of reading. I often have several books on the go…… I am always reading, absorbing, learning….growing.
Peck writes how suffering needs to be dealt with. Something I had come realise recently. You have to be willing to go through the pain, to heal. All of the pain. Suffering cannot be avoided, suppressed… or healing will not occur. And when we are not healing, our soul begins to shrivel and die.
I realised the other day, after a failed attempt at taking medication recently.. I cannot medicate my pain away. I have to feel it. I have to deal with it. No matter how long that takes. Medicating it away…. stops me confronting it.
Peck writes about the 4 discipline tools, needed to be able to deal with suffering…
1. Delayed Gratification
2. Acceptance of Responsibility
3. Dedication to Truth
Well, that is hopeful for me. Because I recognise all of these, and did not require anyone to tell me.
With regard to those needed tools to confront suffering….
I realise I have to go through this pain of dealing with my past in it’s entirety. If I delay this suffering further, choosing instead the easier place of denial, I won’t heal. As Peck says, these are needed to confront pain…. not avoid legitimate suffering.
‘Legitimate Suffering’. I must remember that is what I am enduring. In the past, and now.
I realise the only person who can be responsible for my journey, is me and I’ve always known that.
I am dedicated to the truth….. even though that brings me more pain. I don’t avoid the harsh truth anymore. I don’t minimize, rationalise, excuse, avoid etc. I am dedicated to truth and honesty. And it quite frankly, fucking hurts. The reality of the truth, the grieving and pain that comes with it, is beyond bearable sometimes. Truth, when dealing with a past like mine, is deeply painful. But, as God says ‘The Truth Will Set You Free’. I realise the only way forward, is the truth.
Balancing….. ah my ongoing battle. Balance, is not a natural state for me….. I am an ‘all or nothing’ kinda gall, at heart. All trauma related. That is changing. I do know the wisdom of balance. In many different areas of life. I strive continually to adapt more balance in my life.
So, I have all the necessary tools to confront and deal with my legitimate suffering…. in order to heal.
Interestingly the delayed gratification one, I put to the test at home. Peck writes about asking a client struggling in life, what part of cake she liked best – ‘frosting or cake’? And what did eat first? She replied frosting and she ate the frosting first. Peck deduced she was someone unable to delay gratification, along with also noting this behaviour through all the therapy.
I am a frosting person, and I save my frosting til last and always have. I like leaving what I prefer, and dealing with the less savoury stuff first, and then have the best to look forward to. I guess I am applying this to my journey too.
I asked my son and husband about this. I already knew the answers, because I have already observed their behaviours. Including cake eating. My son prefers frosting and saves his til the end, like me. I was glad to realise, my son is capable of delayed gratification.
My husband prefers cake and eats the cake first and there was no hesitation in that answer. I was not surprised. My husband fails at all these tools Peck describes.
I am glad to see, however, ‘I’ have the necessary tools needed to deal with truth, responsibility, delayed gratification and balance. And my teen son has the capacity for them all too.
I will keep all this in mind as I continue parenting my children, so they can adequately and appropriately deal with the more difficult areas of life, including their own behaviours.