Healing From Complex Trauma & PTSD/CPTSD

A journey to healing from complex trauma.

Yes, this is exactly how toxic religious people excuse & minimize abuse, and place abusive demands on victims.


religious ppl

These ‘demands’ religiously toxic and abusive people project, are BS.

This goes on a lot and I see this becomes a way for abusers to minimize the abuse, and project these demands onto others, including their victims….. which is not what is wise, healthy or appropriate.

They just play the ‘grace/forgiveness’ card and lord that over people.

They demand forgiveness, often without deserving it, without being honest about what they have done, without repentance. And without any regard as to the victims needs and the depth of suffering and harm caused.

They have NO right to demand forgiveness, grace. But, toxic, disordered, unwise people… use these demands well and for their own needs. It is never about the victims needs.

It’s so easy to abuse someone and then just say ‘God has forgiven me – so should you’.

Anyone with true repentance and compassion for their victims, would never demand or expect forgiveness – because they would know this is not ‘their’ choice, or demand to make.

Real repentance, would mean the abuser, knows their victim may require a lifetime for forgiveness, and their healing will take as long as it takes (with no timeframe demanded) and they may need to have no contact – in order for the victims healing – and ‘that’ would be the abusers only concern….. if they had true repentance.

Author: Healing From Complex Trauma & PTSD/CPTSD

I am a survivor of complex and multiple trauma and abuse, who at the age of 40, began my healing journey. I am using my journey to recovery and healing, to help others, to help survivors feel less alone, validated, encouraged and to enable others to understand themselves more. Complex trauma, particularly from severe, prolonged childhood abuse, is profoundly life changing. Complex trauma produces complex adults. The journey to recovery is a painful, often lonely, emotional daily challenge and it is my aim to encourage others in their daily battle. ~ Lilly Hope Lucario

5 thoughts on “Yes, this is exactly how toxic religious people excuse & minimize abuse, and place abusive demands on victims.

  1. So true, one day my sister who used to call me A stupid Idiot as a CHILD, informed me that she is ” A different Peson Now”!! Glory be . Would you believe I was told this so often I actually Believed it Growing Up ! Every day I tell myself of any little good thing I did during the day, to combat the memories of her verbal abuse. To reverse her Brain washing .

  2. Dr. George Simon has 2 good you tube videos — Manipulative People. Once I understood why they do what they do, I immediately felt Calmer. The Gaslighting no longer works. When we are Gaslighted, we do Not realize what is happening. They do,,so you will back down.
    Projection was a big one for me to understand. Very damaging..I am learning to Obsere more —-rather than Absorb.

  3. Yes abusive people employ a whole range of manipulation and lies, to confuse (gaslighting) their victims, deny the abuse, lie, minimize it and make the victim feel they are in the wrong.

    Such as demanding forgiveness. They don’t get to make that call. They don’t get to demand forgiveness or anything from their victims.

    They don’t get to say ‘I’ve changed’ – and you must believe that and forgive and forget.

    That is often just more manipulation, denial and more abuse.

  4. It’s interesting – this whole theory of forgiveness – it’s a crutch. I didn’t need to forgive anyone in order to thrive from my cult abuse. I can say I might be more empathetic toward an abuser who was taking full accountability for their actions. That still doesn’t absolve them from having to pay the consequences for their crimes, but in the least then a conversation could happen. But forgiveness has become this fall guy for getting out of criminal behavior. One, the moral concept of forgiveness is religious so to even allow it as an argument or defense for crime is a direct violation of the constitution. This is a very powerful cartoon and the mindset of far too many. Great post.

  5. Beautifully said:
    ‘ For if we practice sin willfully after having received the accurate knowledge of the truth, there is no longer any sacrifice for sins left, 27 but there is a certain fearful expectation of judgment and a burning indignation that is going to consume those in opposition. 28 Anyone who has disregarded the Law of Moses dies without compassion on the testimony of two or three. 29 How much greater punishment do you think a person will deserve who has trampled on the Son of God and who has regarded as of ordinary value the blood of the covenant by which he was sanctified, and who has outraged the spirit of undeserved kindness with contempt?’ (Hebrews 10:26-29)
    Narcissists who use religion as a crutch for forgiveness overlook this scripture. Narcissists don’t stop doing it….