Healing From Complex Trauma & PTSD/CPTSD

A journey to healing from complex trauma.

Another example of self care/boundaries ~ remove/avoid, what is harmful & not needed in our lives.

10 Comments

A post to my page, which was written with the intention of helping others to realise they need to focus on self care and boundaries too…… and not participate in things that cause themselves harm. Because I want the best for people.


Self care …. boundaries…. are a hard battle for many of us, and avoiding triggers, is something I know we need.

For these reasons, I have decided I need to unlike pages, that post about cases in the media of people who abuse – paedophiles, sex offenders, rapists etc.

Not because I don’t think the pages do needed work, but because the constant triggers and exposing myself to seeing and reading about abusers, is not helpful for me, or my wellbeing. And that is good self care and healthy boundaries to know this.

It doesn’t help for me to be exposed regularly, daily, to reminders of how many abusive people are out there, and what they do. It brings unpleasant emotions, thoughts, and memories…. so the question is… why would I keep participating in this, by exposing myself to it? I don’t ‘need’ to, at all.

In order to move towards a life of less pain, less triggers, less horrible stuff…… we need to be continually assessing our needs and self care.

It is my hope everyone knows they need good self care and healthy boundaries – because we deserve this.


I can see that seeing these posts on pages about abusers, doesn’t help me.

I also see others getting angry and I see how they are participating in the continual re-traumatising of themselves. They often don’t realise this… as I haven’t in the past…. but I do see it very clearly now.

Avoiding many things, particularly on the internet…. is very necessary for improving quality of life.

It is an act of self compassion, self worth and self care.

Author: Healing From Complex Trauma & PTSD/CPTSD

I am a survivor of complex and multiple trauma and abuse, who at the age of 40, began my healing journey. I am using my journey to recovery and healing, to help others, to help survivors feel less alone, validated, encouraged and to enable others to understand themselves more. Complex trauma, particularly from severe, prolonged childhood abuse, is profoundly life changing. Complex trauma produces complex adults. The journey to recovery is a painful, often lonely, emotional daily challenge and it is my aim to encourage others in their daily battle. ~ Lilly Hope Lucario

10 thoughts on “Another example of self care/boundaries ~ remove/avoid, what is harmful & not needed in our lives.

  1. Its hard to teach an old dog new tricks. For years I would visit my sister’s home and would feel terrible when I left. awful feelings that I could not pinpoint. After researching crazy families, The light bulb came On. seeing her is a trigger for me. I rarely talk her phone calls now, and Have not been to her home in one year. If I need to give her something I MAIL IT> she only is 1/4 mile away from me. I am much calmer. Old dog learning new tricks

  2. One more rant. I am tired of people labeling people as mentally ill. Such an UNEDUCATED comment. These so called mentally ill people are acting a certain way because of there abusive families. Oh here is another “LET IT GO” That’s fine IF you know what to let go of. That works if you are NOT walking around in a FOG< as I was for Years. So as I am coming out of the FOG the anger appears ! Never knew I was angry. ..Never knew I was Fight, Flight or Freeze . Just talking it day by day. Trying to be present and not on MARS

  3. This post helps me see that focusing on the media stories is triggering & re-traumatizing me, but I feel conflicted because I feel like if I don’t follow the media coverage I’m abandoning these children/people like I was abandoned.

    There has been a lot of coverage about abuse lately after decades of ignoring it and it seems like an opportunity to save other kids by following the coverage and adding my voice to it.

    So I’m conflicted about how to best do self care but remain a vocal activist against abuse.

    I guess the answer lies in finding Balance as previous posts suggest.

    • I think while in the trauma processing/grieving stage, we don’t need to feel the responsibility of exposing ourselves to things which harm our journey.

      That need to be overly responsible for others, is something many of us face. I know I have needed to accept I am not responsible for so many others, at the cost of harming myself.

      We do need to consider our own needs, self care…. before we can help others.

      There are so many people helping victims of abuse, who are in a stronger position emotionally – and they are able to deal with it.

      Allowing ourselves to be re-traumatised, is often an act of self harm, that we rationalise as okay… to keep harming ourselves.

      It is necessary to see our own journey and wellbeing a priority, and not having that unnecessary guilt.

      ❤ ❤

  4. OH so that is what I am experiencing ! ” Trauma / processing grieving stage ! Too bad the therapist I went to did Not inform me of this stage. No longer seeing him. Unqualified !

  5. This is excellent advice and I hope that many will take it. I did the same not long ago, These groups were helpful in the beginning but as I began healing, I found that they had become a negative. Too many people rehashing, bashing and unwilling to move themselves forward. “Retraumatized” is a perfect word and eliminating those triggers is one of the best things I’ve done.

    • That is how I feel Karin…I was drawn to these groups a few years back when I started my healing journey… now I am distancing them further and further.
      They do keep people in a state of being re-traumatised and it is like a form of self harm.
      Eliminating triggers, is vital for self care and because we have already been through enough.
      I don’t want to be traumatised, triggered, having painful emotions, flashbacks etc,
      I don’t deserve that, so I must do all I can to reduce that wherever possible.
      I believe this is necessary, for our journey.
      ❤ ❤

      • I agree with you. I needed validation of my experiences as there is not enough information out there. Staying too long with these communities felt like I was wallowing in it and not moving ahead.
        It’s steady sailing forward now and I hope for you too 🙂 K~xx