Healing From Complex Trauma & PTSD/CPTSD

A journey to healing from complex trauma.


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I brought up the real deep stuff that I struggle with, in counselling. It required great courage.

Due to being a victim of intense grooming abuse, several times….. by a paedophile (as a child), a psychopath (as a teenager), a narc minister (as an adult)…. I have experienced the issues that go on within this prolonged grooming abuse and the layers of trauma and shame is intense.

I’ve not been able to raise this before – and yet I did today. Which is interesting in itself…. as I have experienced feeling unsafe in counselling, and yet I know I would have to feel safe’ish to bring this up. (will ponder at that more).

I brought up the grooming process…. how due to being a severely abused and neglected child, adolescent and adult……I wanted the attention of these people…. because any attention no matter how depraved the person is… was better than none.

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I realise I am becoming an ‘anti-victim shaming’ advocate.

After a lifetime of shame from others, and shame I feel towards myself as a result…. plus the levels of victim shaming I see throughout society, within the medical/mental health field, even within the mental health/ abuse survivor advocacy field, and within religion…..becoming very anti-victim shame/blame, is a growing passion of mine.

Just a few of the shaming tactics I see used…

1. The epidemic of victim blaming… suggesting victims of abuse have done something to lead to the abuse, and are therefore responsible – taking the responsibility away from the abuser. This shames the victims and causes further trauma.

2. The ‘don’t be a victim’ slogan/attitude…. which is victim shaming in itself…. widely used within the mental health field. It makes people struggling feel worthless and not want to reach out. They suffer in silence as a result. It leads to more suicides.

3. The continual drive to say all victims of abuse with mental health issues, can recover in full. Not all mental health can be recovered from, or completely healed. And to insist everyone can recover places unrealistic expectations and demands, that cannot be attained…. making those who cannot recover, feel worse.

4. The toxic drive to force victims of abuse to forgive their abusers, and have compassion for their abusers. That is no-one else’s call to make, other than the victim. No-one ‘has’ to forgive severe intentional abuse. Plus, those who then consider themselves ‘better’ and more moral for their insistence that forgiveness is compulsory…. shaming victims who choose not to forgive, in the process. Forgiveness, is not compulsory. Continue reading