Shame, pressure, people’s opinions, people judging – no matter who they are, especially those who have never walked my journey….all adds to the stress and makes my life worse, and affects my wellbeing.
So, removing, or reducing that shame & pressure and ignoring other people’s demands, opinions and judgments…. has been a way forward for me.
Two areas I have noticed a huge impact.
1. The pressure to be healed/recovered. This black and white thinking drive, that everyone can be healed/recovered and they are weak if they don’t. Comparison to others. All shaming.
I see clearly how much shaming goes on in the mental health/medical field, and advocacy field. The pressure and demand to recover is usually based upon comparison to someone who had a ‘better case scenario’. Mental health policy is based upon the those who suffer the least, who are least impacted. The comparison made between basing physical health policy for cancer – on stage 1 patients only. Not stage 4 – those with the least chance of recovery and those suffering the most.
I won’t allow anyone to demand I recover in full anymore. I don’t allow anyone to demand anything of me, because that makes me feel worse, shames me and makes me feel like I am weak… because I don’t meet their demands, criteria, opinions, judgments.
And since I stopped allowing all this……. I feel better and actually more able to continue forward in my journey.
Allowing myself to view my journey the way ‘I’ need to, and not the way others demand, has improved my wellbeing and moved me further along my journey.
It was other people’s demands, opinions and shaming, impacting me, that was holding me back.
2. The pressure and demand as to how I ‘should’ view my abusers and how I ‘should’ feel about all the abuse. How I should feel about them. How I should ‘forgive’ them etc. All shaming.
No-one has a right to project their opinions on me as to how I should feel about what happened to me, or those who caused it.
I am entitled to my full range of emotions. I need to feel them, safely. I don’t have to hide my suffering, because it bothers other people, who lack empathy. I don’t have to deny or minimize my legitimate suffering.
I need to grieve and that will take as long as it takes, and no-one else gets to demand how long that should take. Continue reading