Healing From Complex Trauma & PTSD/CPTSD

A journey to healing from complex trauma.

Once I took shaming & pressure from others off the table, it made a positive impact on my wellbeing ~ Lilly Hope Lucario


Shame, pressure, people’s opinions, people judging – no matter who they are, especially those who have never walked my journey….all adds to the stress and makes my life worse, and affects my wellbeing.

So, removing, or reducing that shame & pressure and ignoring other people’s demands, opinions and judgments…. has been a way forward for me.

Two areas I have noticed a huge impact.

1. The pressure to be healed/recovered. This black and white thinking drive, that everyone can be healed/recovered and they are weak if they don’t. Comparison to others. All shaming.

I see clearly how much shaming goes on in the mental health/medical field, and advocacy field. The pressure and demand to recover is usually based upon comparison to someone who had a ‘better case scenario’. Mental health policy is based upon the those who suffer the least, who are least impacted. The comparison made between basing physical health policy for cancer – on stage 1 patients only. Not stage 4 – those with the least chance of recovery and those suffering the most.

I won’t allow anyone to demand I recover in full anymore. I don’t allow anyone to demand anything of me, because that makes me feel worse, shames me and makes me feel like I am weak… because I don’t meet their demands, criteria, opinions, judgments.

And since I stopped allowing all this……. I feel better and actually more able to continue forward in my journey.

Allowing myself to view my journey the way ‘I’ need to, and not the way others demand, has improved my wellbeing and moved me further along my journey.

It was other people’s demands, opinions and shaming, impacting me, that was holding me back.

2. The pressure and demand as to how I ‘should’ view my abusers and how I ‘should’ feel about all the abuse. How I should feel about them. How I should ‘forgive’ them etc. All shaming.

No-one has a right to project their opinions on me as to how I should feel about what happened to me, or those who caused it.

I am entitled to my full range of emotions. I need to feel them, safely. I don’t have to hide my suffering, because it bothers other people, who lack empathy. I don’t have to deny or minimize my legitimate suffering.

I need to grieve and that will take as long as it takes, and no-one else gets to demand how long that should take.

I don’t have to forgive those who caused great harm to me intentionally. And my journey to healing does not require forgiving those who intended to cause me much suffering. And I will not allow anyone to shame me in that way, or shift blame onto me for being the ‘bad person’, if I don’t do what they demand.

And since I started allowing myself to view it this way…… I actually feel less negative emotions towards my abusers, and less pent up anxiety and fear.

The permission to feel what I need to feel……… has actually lessoned the intensity of those emotions.

It was not allowing myself to feel what I need to feel….. due to being shamed into not thinking and feeling the way I needed to, that made it worse.

All showing how much people are impacted by ‘other people’s opinions’. Which are simply that. And their opinions do not apply to all and unless they have actually endured similar, their opinion means even less.

Basically, no-one else gets to project their issues about all this, onto me.

No-one gets to ‘tell’ me how I ‘should’ think or feel.

And no-one gets to shame me in the process.


I’ve been shamed today. Told by a psychiatrist my view that demanding recovery from all mental illness can shame people, was wrong. (Even though other more insightful mental health professionals have written about this too). Outright told on social media, I am wrong and ‘he is right’. Because he chooses to follow ‘best case scenario’ policy based mental health drives, regardless of how they do not help everyone. He shamed me, on social media. Basically told me I am wrong, and so to say I feel shamed by these demands, was wrong. And quite frankly, how dare he shame me. But, he did. Instead of listening to my view….. he just ignored it and compared me to others he has worked with.

(Since this conversation, I received an apology from this professional and it was noted that the black and white way people view recovery, is not helpful and in fact, it can often hinder people, by adding more shame to their issues).

I am glad to note, that regardless of these un-empathic and shaming views of others……..and how people will demand you see it their way and their ego’s to believe they must be right …… I can now rise above their shaming and see this is ‘their’ issues. Their ‘opinion’ only. And I can ignore it too.

Since, I took the pressure off myself to not have to comply with societal beliefs, unwise professional beliefs, toxic religious beliefs….. my wellbeing has improved.

self compassion

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Author: Healing From Complex Trauma & PTSD/CPTSD

I am a survivor of complex and multiple trauma and abuse, who at the age of 40, began my healing journey. I am using my journey to recovery and healing, to help others, to help survivors feel less alone, validated, encouraged and to enable others to understand themselves more. Complex trauma, particularly from severe, prolonged childhood abuse, is profoundly life changing. Complex trauma produces complex adults. The journey to recovery is a painful, often lonely, emotional daily challenge and it is my aim to encourage others in their daily battle.

5 thoughts on “Once I took shaming & pressure from others off the table, it made a positive impact on my wellbeing ~ Lilly Hope Lucario

  1. Fantastic post!!
    Very empowering!

    My experience with doctors of every kind is that Narcissism and Arrogance are rampant with them. They’re unable to actually listen to anyone!!

    It would take hours to describe all the times my family, friends & I have been misdiagnosed & given wrong meds.

    I’m hearing more & more people say: “why are they even calling themselves doctors”.

    So this doctor who said you were wrong and shamed you has zero credibility in my opinion.

    And the shaming of sick & suffering people is terrible. People who die of cancer are labeled as “lost their battle with cancer” suggesting they didn’t fight hard enough and are failures.

    And when we don’t “get over it” from having been repeatedly abused & raped as children we are labeled as “not wanting to get well”.

    So unless someone has lived my life they aren’t qualified to say what my journey is or should be.

  2. As I’ve said before (not here, but on Facebook), I agree with you that it is shameful to expect all people with mental illness to recover, and that organizations do use “best case scenarios” as their representatives. There are some exceptions, but… yeah, usually their “poster children” are those with mild disorders who had sufficient therapy, and more importantly, supportive/healthy relationships especially with family. And besides, if mental health advocacy is going to act so generalized, it is also wrong to assume that all such people with similarities will feel, think, and behave the same way.

    As a peer specialist and social work student/intern, as well as someone in treatment for C-PTSD, I’ve come to realize that people are all at different points. It can be impossible to truly understand someone 100%, but I can validate their experiences and have compassion for what they suffered. That’s what seems to matter the most… Not the “well, so-and-so got better” judgements. Now if only some people in my field could accept that!

    • Thank you so much for your insight and empathy and validating what I see clearly is occurring too.

      It is absolutely ‘best case scenarios’ used and the shaming of “well so and so got better” is so lacking in insight and empathy.

      Thank you…. I like to connect with people on the same level of understanding and insight.

      This has become something I know I need to tackle, in the small way I can.

      Shaming people who have suffered so much already, placing judgments, demands and harming them more, is not okay and I will keep tacking this.

      Many of us have been shamed enough. It needs to stop.

  3. When I read your posts, I am amazed at your talent.!

  4. Had to read that a second time. ! I read mostly neurology books, etc, related to trama ——so it takes a Lot to Impress me. I am impressed !
    This hidden talent you have is incredible.

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