Healing From Complex Trauma & PTSD/CPTSD

A journey to healing from complex trauma.

Due to mental health policy being based on the ‘least impacted/suffering’ people, I realise why I feel shamed in counselling.


I’ve often felt in counselling like I am only ‘good enough’ when I’m ‘doing well’ – when I am progressing and able to be positive.

I’ve often felt shamed and unable to speak how I’m ‘not doing well’ and now I’m at the point where when I’m at my worst, I don’t go. Because I can’t handle the reaction… the look of disappointment….the look for boredom. If I can’t barf up some positivity – to please her, I’m not doing well enough.

It’s like a constant shaming process….. if I’m doing as I’m ‘supposed’ to be doing – I’m good enough. If I’m not doing well, that’s not good enough. In fact, it was made clear to me recently if I’m not doing well…. it’s okay I don’t turn up at counselling. I guess that sends a pretty clear message and helps her avoid having to deal with me. I, however, realise counselling is meant to be a safe place where I can reach out when I am at my worst.

I realise after research about mental health policy…. how recovery driven it is. Based upon the highest functioning and least suffering clients.

My counsellor asked me to look through the mental health policy – and I see how ‘you must recover’ driven it is. It is so black and white in it’s drives and goals. I got pissed off reading it after the gazillionth ‘recover’ wording used, and stopped.

I realised this policy is based on people with the best case scenario, with the least impacting mental health issues, who have quality therapy and good support. That is not the reality for many people.

I realise now those deeper layers of shaming that such policy’s promote. You’re only okay, if you are being strong and recovering well. Other than that…. you are weak and worthless.

Now, I see how this has crossed over into my counselling and it really pisses me off.

I realise why I know it’s wrong that I feel unable to reach out to my counsellor when I feel at my worst, when I’m not doing okay, when I’m not deemed to be ‘recovering’.

This makes me want to quit counselling altogether. Maybe she would be better off with a client who is less impacted, has better support in their life, and can recover. Someone who does fit the criterion as someone who can recover in full, who meets these black and white, un-empathic mental health policy.

Author: Healing From Complex Trauma & PTSD/CPTSD

I am a survivor of complex and multiple trauma and abuse, who at the age of 40, began my healing journey. I am using my journey to recovery and healing, to help others, to help survivors feel less alone, validated, encouraged and to enable others to understand themselves more. Complex trauma, particularly from severe, prolonged childhood abuse, is profoundly life changing. Complex trauma produces complex adults. The journey to recovery is a painful, often lonely, emotional daily challenge and it is my aim to encourage others in their daily battle. ~ Lilly Hope Lucario

6 thoughts on “Due to mental health policy being based on the ‘least impacted/suffering’ people, I realise why I feel shamed in counselling.

  1. It’s only because it makes her job harder to do. Maybe she feels inadequate because she can’t or doesn’t know how to help. You should be able to say anything you like and should be able to turn to her every time you need her. It’s so bullshit because some don’t recover even with their help or so called help. I wish you had a more understanding t. I don’t know if you need another one or keep plugging along but she needs to know how it makes you feel. It’s been 27 yrs of blocking shit it ain’t guna come out and be fixed in 6 months. I thought it would be lol. Little did I fuckn know. She needs to know that those words hurt. And that you don’t need to be reminded you aren’t recovered. Hugs.

    • I was pretty hurt when she said it’s okay if I don’t turn up when I’m not doing well. As soon as she said it, it felt wrong. I am meant to be able to feel like counselling is where I should be, when I’m at my worst. Not withdrawing.

      This whole ‘recovery’ drive, is like a big hammer in mental health. It’s being driven home like a sledgehammer and those who don’t comply and recover like we are ‘meant to’ – are just not good enough.

      I’m past caring anymore. I simply have a ‘fuck that’ attitude now. Quietly, in my head.

      I’ll just keep doing what I need to do and if that’s not good enough for anymore else, well tough.

      We need to always keep that in mind, my friend ❤

  2. she should never have said don’t have to turn up. That’s crap.

  3. This is so true! I’ve experienced this many times.

    They cram people into a box called Criteria and if this box doesn’t fit you you’re shamed and blamed and accused of “wanting to be sick & not wanting to get well”.

    I’ve lost respect for doctors and therapists. They seem cowardly to me.

  4. Lilly, I agree with Luverly !!

    Therapy should help not hurt.

    Therapy should be a safe haven especially when we feel our absolute worst.

    Seems impossible to get relief when having to constantly deal with the therapists issues.