Healing From Complex Trauma & PTSD/CPTSD

A journey to healing from complex trauma.


No-one to trust….. a painful wound, that keeps on bleeding.


There are needs that are vital to any hope of complex trauma survivors healing. One of these, is trusting relationships.

There are complex trauma survivors, who actually have no-one in their life, they can trust. And this is not a cognitive distortion, caused by trauma……. is a fact.

Abuse/child abuse survivors often end up in unhealthy relationships, with immature, selfish, dishonest people, who are not truth worthy. There are understandable psychological reasons for this. When there are children to consider, the situation is not an easy one to deal with. If you don’t have children, it is far easier to make decisions on whether to end these relationships.

Dealing with trauma and abuse, leads to isolation and losing ‘friends’ etc. This happens to many.

When ‘family’ are abusers, they cannot be trusted. And often continue to harm the complex trauma survivor, or the relationship becomes no contact.

Counsellors can have agenda’s and other priorities, that mean their complex trauma client’s needs are not met. And many complex trauma survivors have had bad experienced with therapists and will not reach out again.

Experts in complex trauma, say the trauma is only healed by being in trustworthy, healthy relationships. But that is not always possible, or the reality of what occurs, for many. Continue reading


What Does the Josh Duggar Dialogue Say to Assault Victims? A wise Christian Perspective

This is by Stephanie Tait – Christian

See here http://thejoyparadeblog.com/what-does-the-josh-duggar-dialogue-say-to-assault-victims/

When I started this blog, I had decided that I never wanted to write this post. Hot button topics? Politics? Debate? This was never going to be that sort of blog. There was enough internet commentary already, and mine wasn’t going to be that sort of place. And yet I’m sitting here in front of the screen, writing my first post back after a month long hiatus of sorts, and never in a million years did I expect THIS to be what I needed to write. But for the million and one blogs and articles dissecting the recent Duggar scandal from every angle and point of view, one was glaringly missing to me: and it’s the one I simply can’t allow to remain silent. Am I concerned about the potential loss of readership? Of course. But some things are simply too important to remain silent about. Someone has to speak up for those who can’t always speak for themselves.

So bear with me dear readers. I promise, this will not be a heated debate or rehashing of the same rhetoric you see all over social media and the blogsphere. If you would give me a few minutes and an open mind, I want to give some thought to the people who are being given the least attention right now in this whole sensational media explosion – the victims of sexual assault.

What exactly does our public dialogue about Josh Duggar say to victims: both his own victims, and all victims of sexual assault by a family member or friend? As I read post after post, status after tweet, and all manner of debate and discussion about what and who is to blame, I can’t help but read each of them through the eyes of assault victims. I see some common themes and phrases popping up repeatedly in response to the all out attack the Duggar family is supposedly facing right now, and I wonder how many people have really asked themselves what they are communicating to assault victims with their words? Let’s take a closer look at four of the more prevalent messages I’m seeing.

He sought forgiveness and repented, and became a great person, so why is everyone trying to destroy him over a past mistake?

A common theme to some of the defenses of Josh Duggar seem to be that he’s a good man, a family man, with a wife and kids who depend on him, and that coming after him is vindictive and cruel. There are many who would frame the dialogue to make Josh a victim in his own right: coming under fire from an out and out attack by the progressive left. Over and over I hear messages of sympathy for a man who’s built a wonderful life for himself and his family and is now being senselessly dragged through the mud when he’s already repented and apologized. But what does this dialogue say to victims of sexual assault, especially those who experience their pain at the hands of someone they know and quite possibly even love? The heartbreaking message we are sending them is that if your abuser apologizes and seeks your forgiveness, its unfair and purely vindictive to seek meaningful legal consequences for their actions. 

If Josh Duggar is being unfairly persecuted despite his apologies and remorse, what does that say to a young victim who is struggling to decide whether or not to potentially “ruin the life” of her family member by reporting them to authorities? How much harder is it for a victim to knowingly send a long time friend and mentor to jail when they are being bombarded with messages about how believing in the power of Gods forgiveness means accepting a heartfelt apology and not destroying the life of a “good person” over a “mistake.” It is difficult enough for many sexual assault victims to seek justice in their cases because they already struggle with the complexities of feeling both love and pain towards the same person in their abuser, so in adding this extra layer of confusion how many victims might we be ultimately silencing? How many will now tell themselves that the “right” thing to do is accept an apology and move on without justice?

“How can people call him a child molestor when he was just a child himself!” / “He was so young! It wasn’t a crime, it was teenage mischief!”

This has got to be one of the most damaging pieces of rhetoric I have seen making the rounds. Continue reading

Such a beautiful day and increasingly good ‘self care’ days.

I feel a shift in myself lately. A shift that acknowledges and is completely okay with my self care needs. My need to not explain myself to anyone. My reduction in internet usage. My need to protect myself from anything unhealthy and toxic. My capacity to assert my needs. My understanding that I am worthy of this.

Any self care has always been a huge issue in my life. In physical and emotional self care terms. As is common in child abuse and complex trauma survivors.

Now, I increasingly feel less guilty or ‘wrong’ for having self care. That is being replaced by knowing it is necessary.

Today, I went to the heated pool and did some hydrotherapy types exercises, and it was lovely. My husband offered to come with me. It was us and some older ladies and one older man. The ladies were politely friendly and chatty, which was nice. I think I relate more to older people, both emotionally and physically. I feel like an old woman, in many ways.

I’m really wanting to get into a routine of going swimming 3-4 times a week and I am trying not to become overwhelmed, as I often can by any expectations I place upon myself. But, I think I will get into this routine and enjoy the swimming, therapy exercises and getting out of the house. I’m worth it.

I am also making full use of my gardens – as the winter here is beautiful. Plus, I am carefully and slowly getting back into my craft again, so that’s nice. I bought a scrapbooking magazine as a treat and a motivator. Continue reading

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The most effective way to destroy someone, deny the truth of their history, and all the abuse.


Denying the truth of the suffering caused and felt….. minimizing, excusing, rationalising, unbelief…… destroys people. Continue reading

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