I feel a shift in myself lately. A shift that acknowledges and is completely okay with my self care needs. My need to not explain myself to anyone. My reduction in internet usage. My need to protect myself from anything unhealthy and toxic. My capacity to assert my needs. My understanding that I am worthy of this.
Any self care has always been a huge issue in my life. In physical and emotional self care terms. As is common in child abuse and complex trauma survivors.
Now, I increasingly feel less guilty or ‘wrong’ for having self care. That is being replaced by knowing it is necessary.
Today, I went to the heated pool and did some hydrotherapy types exercises, and it was lovely. My husband offered to come with me. It was us and some older ladies and one older man. The ladies were politely friendly and chatty, which was nice. I think I relate more to older people, both emotionally and physically. I feel like an old woman, in many ways.
I’m really wanting to get into a routine of going swimming 3-4 times a week and I am trying not to become overwhelmed, as I often can by any expectations I place upon myself. But, I think I will get into this routine and enjoy the swimming, therapy exercises and getting out of the house. I’m worth it.
I am also making full use of my gardens – as the winter here is beautiful. Plus, I am carefully and slowly getting back into my craft again, so that’s nice. I bought a scrapbooking magazine as a treat and a motivator.