Healing From Complex Trauma & PTSD/CPTSD

A journey to healing from complex trauma.

The Betrayal Bond: Breaking Free of Exploitative Relationships – This book is intensely painful to read.


This book is beyond painful to read, and reflects my life and so much that has happened in it.

It is painful to know how much I have been exploited and the depths of betrayal I have endured. And the profound consequences of it, that have been so destructive throughout my life. And still are.

Acid burning tears.

‘Recovery In The Bin’ – more people who object to the demand that everyone can ‘recover’.

Below is from http://freepsychotherapynetwork.com/2015/03/11/recovery-in-the-bin/

Very interesting points and it is good to see there are increasing numbers of people who refuse to be compared and shamed by politically based mental health policy.

Recovery In The Bin

This User Led group is for MH survivors and supporters who are fed up with the way colonised ‘recovery’ is being used to discipline and control those who are trying to find a place in the world, to live as they wish, trying to deal with the very real mental distress they encounter on a daily basis.

Recovery In The Bin 18 Key Principles, agreed and adopted by group members on 6th February 2015.

• We oppose the ways in which the concept of ‘recovery’ has been colonised by mental health services, commissioners and policy makers.

• We believe the growing development of this form of the ‘Recovery Model’ is a symptom of neoliberalism, and capitalism is the crisis! Many of us will never be able to ‘recover’ living under these intolerable social and economic conditions, due to the effects of social and economic circumstances such as poor housing, poverty, stigma, racism, sexism, unreasonable work expectations, and countless other barriers.

• We believe “UnRecovered” is a valid and legitimate self-definition, and we emphasise its political and social contrast to “Recovered”. This doesn’t mean we want to remain ‘unwell’ or ‘ill’, but that we reject the new neoliberal intrusion on the word ‘recovery’ that has been redefined, and taken over by market forces, humiliating treatment techniques and atomising outcome measurements.

• We are critical of tools such as “Recovery Stars” as a means of measuring ‘progress’ as they represent a narrow & judgemental view of wellness and self-definition . We do not believe outcome measures are a helpful way to steer policy, techniques or services towards helping people cope with mental distress.

• We believe that mental health services are using ‘recovery’ ideology to mask greater coercion. For example, the claim that Community Treatment Orders are imposed as a “step towards recovery”.

• We demand that no one is put under unnecessary pressure or unreasonable expectations to ‘recover’ by mental health services. For example, being discharged too soon or being pushed into inappropriate employment.

• We object to therapeutic techniques like ‘mindfulness’ and “positive thinking” being used to pacify patients and stifle collective dissent.

• We propose to spread awareness of how neoliberalism and market forces shape the way mental health ‘recovery’ is planned and delivered by services, including those within the voluntary sector.
• We want a robust ‘Social Model of Madness’, from the left of politics, placing mental health within the context of the wider class struggle. We know from experience and evidence that capitalism and social inequality can be bad for your mental health! Continue reading


The truth isn’t setting me free. It’s destroying me.

I’m aware of all the reasons, that the truth is needed, to deal with trauma.

I realise unless you confront it, fully, it stays within you and subconsciously harms you.

But, I am also aware, the truth can destroy you.

Knowing the truth about the first 20 years of my life, is more than can handle. It’s more than I can bear. Continue reading


It’s not Father’s Day here, but I am avoiding social media, because of all the Father’s Day posts.

It’s Father’s Day in US and other countries. So as normal, social media is awash with posts about wonderful and great fathers. And for those good fathers, I am truly thankful.

But, I will also validate and acknowledge, that my father-figure – my step father, was not a good father. At all.

I am over minimizing the extent of the damage and abuse caused by my mother and step father.

I am over other people minimizing and excusing the damage they caused.

They made choices and they knew what they were doing was wrong, because they hid it, did it behind closed doors, lied, denied, and caused me profound harm, that I will live with all my life.

They destroyed my life and intentionally so.

I don’t ever have to be okay with that, make excuses for them, minimize what they did, or their intentionality. I don’t need to rationalise it, or defend them.

They were sick, evil, abusive, manipulative, exploitative, perverts.

So, I will allow myself my rightful emotions and know that I can feel my full range of emotions, and not need to suppress or avoid them any longer.

Dealing with truth and reality, is far harder than avoidance, minimizing, rationalising, denial etc. Continue reading