Healing From Complex Trauma & PTSD/CPTSD

A journey to healing from complex trauma.

The truth isn’t setting me free. It’s destroying me.


I’m aware of all the reasons, that the truth is needed, to deal with trauma.

I realise unless you confront it, fully, it stays within you and subconsciously harms you.

But, I am also aware, the truth can destroy you.

Knowing the truth about the first 20 years of my life, is more than can handle. It’s more than I can bear.

Every layer of truth, devastates and destroys me a bit more.

My suicidal thoughts are increasing.

I have no-one I can reach out to. No-one I trust.

I need this pain to stop.

Author: Healing From Complex Trauma & PTSD/CPTSD

I am a survivor of complex and multiple trauma and abuse, who at the age of 40, began my healing journey. I am using my journey to recovery and healing, to help others, to help survivors feel less alone, validated, encouraged and to enable others to understand themselves more. Complex trauma, particularly from severe, prolonged childhood abuse, is profoundly life changing. Complex trauma produces complex adults. The journey to recovery is a painful, often lonely, emotional daily challenge and it is my aim to encourage others in their daily battle. ~ Lilly Hope Lucario

5 thoughts on “The truth isn’t setting me free. It’s destroying me.

  1. I am so sorry you are suffering so much Lilly. I wish you were close by so I could give you a big hug. I also wish you were closer so I could recommend someone who helped me so much when dealing with all the pain from my traumas.I can understand the lack of trust you must be feeling, the loneliness & hopelessness. Every layer of truth hurts so deeply, and it feels never-ending when the pain doesn’t go away..I know..I am here for you, that’s all I can say..Much love & comfort for the brave and beautiful person you are. x

  2. Not about my childhood but I can relate to your words…

  3. I feel your pain.. Reading the Psalms has often helped me. This is one of my favorites:
    “ Jehovah is close to the brokenhearted;
    He saves those who are crushed in spirit.” Psalm 34:18
    Why does reading God’s Word help those crushed in spirit? One reason is ” For the word of God is alive and exerts power and is sharper than any two-edged sword and pierces even to the dividing of soul and spirit, and of joints from the marrow, and is able to discern thoughts and intentions of the heart. 13 And there is not a creation that is hidden from his sight, but all things are naked and openly exposed to the eyes of the one to whom we must give an account.” Hebrews 11:12

  4. The truth means exposing the ones who have been hiding it from you. My mind goes back to places and times when I wished I could have seen what was being done to me. Like puzzle pieces from the past coming together to form a picture that horrifies me.
    I’m angry at my abusers. I’m angry that I couldn’t see this. I feel cheated out of love that I should have had.
    My whole life has been a lie. I suffer from panic attacks. Some days it takes all I can to get out of bed and brush my teeth. I haven’t slept right in twenty five years. I can’t focus on anything. I carry the feeling night and day that I’m always doing something wrong. Even posting this makes me wonder if its the right thing to do or if you’ll reject it.
    Being around crazy people will make you crazy. Growing up in it we don’t know anything else. You are in a spiritual battle. Your life is worth fighting for. Despite the fact that your mind has been conditioned to believe otherwise.
    Its hard to process the damage that has been done. The truth is a hard pill to swallow but we can make sense of it. Its the lies that keep us in the dark. I believe god is taking you on a journey to show you how to heal. And that means bringing to the surface the good the bad and the forgotton thing. Those are painful places to revisit. God is cleaning out your wounds and that hurts. But it won’t always. Believe god and stand on his promises. He will NEVER let you down.

  5. There is healing. There is truth. And there is light at the end of the tunnel. I just finished two weeks in Thomaston, GA at Be in Health … I did the For My Life program and the Walk Out Workshop… It has changed my life. There is hope. You don’t need to be held in bondage to your past … there is freedom … check these folks out. It has changed my life. They can be found at http://www.iamchanged.com