My ability to react and respond in a far more effective way, my self control, my capacity to ask for what I need, has definitely increased. I have repeated situations occurring, that demonstrate this.
I have blogged about my counsellors lack of validation for what I have been through and how it was not my fault, blame, shame etc… and how hurtful it feels to not have this validation offered. And I am increasingly okay with validating my own emotions and feelings.
So, at counselling today, the subject of shame was one that needed raising, as I have been doing a lot of processing about the depths and levels of shame I have been inflicted with. I stated that I needed to hear more – that it wasn’t my fault, my blame, my shame, or anything I did wrong. I was a child trying to survive a horrendous childhood and wanted the normal needs of love, affection and attention. And sadly that was abused further. And how the blame and shame is the abusers, not mine, even though I feel it.
I didn’t make a big deal of how hurt I feel when this validation isn’t offered. I made the decision instead to just ask for what I need. It felt uncomfortable and I struggled a bit, but I did it.
And it had the needed response. Validation was offered and comforting words (no matter how weird it was to hear them – having rarely heard them in my life and instead hearing the opposite) and I appreciated that. Continue reading