Healing From Complex Trauma & PTSD/CPTSD

A journey to healing from complex trauma.


It looks & feels like complete destruction…. but that’s how healing & dealing with shame, goes.


It not only looks like compete destruction, it feels like it too.

In a complex trauma healing journey, the destruction is the trauma of facing the truth, the deep grieving, facing the reality of all the exploitation, all the abuse, all the intentionality in the abuse, all the abandonment and all the legitimate pain and suffering that goes with it.

Healing is about change. Changing ones life from denial, minimizing and all other cognitive distortions used to cope …. to having ones eyes opened about the truth…. and that is intense and takes time.

Even to acknowledge in a real way, how horrific complex trauma is, where child sexual abuse, exploitation, all forms of abuse were suffered, and people you loved wanted to destroy you….. feels like destruction.

Destruction of any hope these people had any love or care within them……. and facing the reality of the opposite of what I held onto for so long. I wanted to believe they loved me and cared about me, and they did not.

I am coming to the point of understanding, they were incapable of love, even for themselves. Their deep inner hatred of themselves, projected outwards, and vomited all over their victims, including me.

I do understand their darkness, their love of hurting others, was actually nothing to do with me…… it was all about their own pathological darkness and self hatred.

I hold separate understandings, at the same time….

1.The understanding of the suffering caused to me, that I every right and need to have all valid emotions about.

And to name that, name the types of abuse endured, name the pathological abuse types used, to come to this deeper understanding and truth.

2. The understanding that their darkness, is about themselves. It was never about me and anything I did wrong.

It was never about whether I was good enough… it was all about ‘their’ lack of being good enough. ‘Their’ deep self loathing. And that part of me, does know this is a terrible place to be in. And I wish no-one was at that place. Whilst also acknowledging they still had choices and they made their choices they knew were wrong and they knew were hurting me. Continue reading

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Standing up for yourself, will make your life worse. The message throughout my life.

Since young childhood onwards, this has been the message I have had. If you stand up for yourself against wrongdoing, against abuse… your life will be made worse.

Even when people are exposed for being liars and evidence is provided, they turn themselves into the victim.

This plays out all the time. As is currently being seen in the Belle Gibson fake cancer situation. She knew in 2011 she did not have cancer, yet continued to lie, target vulnerable people, take their money, gain fame. Then when exposed, she claims to be the victim. Absolute narcissism/sociopathy. People standing up to her, are then called bullies. How dare anyone expose the truth and stand up for her victims, attitude. How dare anyone be upset and annoyed with her, attitude. Victims should be silent, attitude.  Lets shift the blame and shame from her, onto others. Lets make excuses for her.

Psychopathic, sociopathic, narcissistic people rule the world. They ensure that and their enablers and sympathisers, ensure that.

I’ve dealt with this all my life. My family would not allow the truth to be exposed, so engaged in a whole range of silencing, projecting, blame/shame shifting’, abusive strategies, to keep the truth from becoming known.

The paedophile blamed me for what he was doing. The sadistic psychopath, acted the victim in court. He was found guilty and in prison anyway. But it was all over the local news, as to his lies about me. There have been many situations since, where wrong/abuse has been done, and the blame and shame shifted from them, to me.

Every time I have attempted to stand up for myself, rightly so, I have been attacked, abused and harmed by not only the perpetrator of the abuse, but their enablers and supporters. And it continues, only now through social media. Continue reading

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Social media is like a snake pit.

I’ve only ever spoken out about two pages on social media. Despite seeing a lot more bad/non genuine behaviour.

And both of these cases, there was a need to speak out and stand up for myself and others.

One was a man conning people, lying, many people came forward and stated how he had hurt them, his former admins apologised to me for joining in with his abusive actions. He now faces 7 charges of fraud, due to his faking cancer, PTSD, combat. I was absolutely correct about him.

Another is a page who has taken my work from my website used it and not given credit, passing it off as their own and used stolen posters that had been cropped to remove my page name etc. When I approached them, they refused to take down these stolen posters, and posted them again, as an act of defiance. I reported them to Facebook and FB confirmed they were violating FB as per intellectual property theft and removed the stolen work. Confirmation I was correct and within my rights to deal with this. Theft of intellectual property on the internet is a serious issue. It is no different to walking into a shop and stealing. Just because is easy to do it on social medial/the internet, doesn’t make it okay. Theft is theft.

In both of these cases, the actions of these people, I was then accused of, due to projections and people being unable to own their behaviour. Narcissistic people project their own behaviour and blame others, for what they have done and refuse to admit wrongdoing. They then enlist flying monkeys to do their dirty work for them, in their need for revenge and retaliation.

In both of these cases, I had every right to speak up and speak out and both led to considerable cyber bullying and harassment against me. People will believe the lies of others, and run with it. Without even asking me, what has happened.

Social media can be like dealing with a snake pit. Continue reading