I realise my counselling, worsened my shame and trust issues.

Throughout my counselling, no validation or support about how the abuse I suffered was not my fault/blame/shame, was ever offered.

I had to ask recently, for it. After 3 years of counselling. It really is bizarre.

That combined with the continual opinions about abusers and how they ‘should’ be thought about being vocalised, and the continual forcing me to believe the way I think ‘isn’t good enough’, I realise now, made my journey harder.

I don’t believe (or at least I don’t want to) this was intentional, but many counsellors have their own agenda’s and their own personal reasons for needing to view people a certain way and that gets projected onto clients. Even when this is not in the clients best interests.

I do see absolutely clearly, how a counsellors role is to help a severe abuse/sexual abuse/child abuse/child sexual abuse, exploitation survivor…….. to feel safe and to know it wasn’t their fault. And that was never offered to me, until I recently asked for that validation. And I realise that in having to ask, it is too little, too late.

Gardening therapy…. some new garden friends.

Gardening has become really important to me. It is part of my own therapy.

I realise I have done most of my own therapy over the last 3 years. Even my first counsellor, stated I do most of my own therapy. I have the capacity to think deeply about everything and process and work it all out. Something I had to develop very young, due to growing in the ‘garden of evil’. Now I am creating a ‘garden of peace’.

Gardening was something I started doing in the last year, as part of my inner child healing I worked I needed. And it is a form of mindfulness too.

I’ve created this little oasis of peace and tranquillity in my back yard and much of it is based on inner child healing work. I have cute, girlie things like fairies and little animals. All stuff that appeals to the inner child in me, who requires ongoing nourishing, healing, safety and kindness. And is allowed to be a child.

My garden is the only place I ever feel close to any peace, any safety and is of great therapeutic quality.

These are some new cute gardening ornaments my husband bought me, as they were on sale. And they are very cute and welcome, pretty addictions to my fairy deck.