Healing From Complex Trauma & PTSD/CPTSD

A journey to healing from complex trauma.

I realise my counselling, worsened my shame and trust issues.

9 Comments

Throughout my counselling, no validation or support about how the abuse I suffered was not my fault/blame/shame, was ever offered.

I had to ask recently, for it. After 3 years of counselling. It really is bizarre.

That combined with the continual opinions about abusers and how they ‘should’ be thought about being vocalised, and the continual forcing me to believe the way I think ‘isn’t good enough’, I realise now, made my journey harder.

I don’t believe (or at least I don’t want to) this was intentional, but many counsellors have their own agenda’s and their own personal reasons for needing to view people a certain way and that gets projected onto clients. Even when this is not in the clients best interests.

I do see absolutely clearly, how a counsellors role is to help a severe abuse/sexual abuse/child abuse/child sexual abuse, exploitation survivor…….. to feel safe and to know it wasn’t their fault. And that was never offered to me, until I recently asked for that validation. And I realise that in having to ask, it is too little, too late.

Obviously the focus all along for her, was to minimize/invalidate/ignore what the abusers did, and force me to believe I have to feel sorry for them. And anything else, was never going to be okay or good enough.

The lack of empathy, and the agenda issues, are devastating. Every time I think about this (which is repeatedly every day), I cry and have that fear within me, that has been all too familiar throughout my life.

My husband believes I should speak to her about this and not just quit counselling. But what’s the point. She isn’t going to change the way she deals this, for me. I shouldn’t be at counselling to tell my counsellor what she should be doing, to help me. And I should not have to endure being shamed.

The many different types of ‘shaming’ that goes on to severe abuse survivors, whilst not always intentional, is very painful, very damaging and very life impacting. I will never trust a counsellor again, with my journey. I will never trust they don’t have some hidden personal agenda. I will never trust, they won’t hurt me and shame me more.

It will take me a long time to deal with this loss and grieving. I did for a long time trust my counsellor more than any person I have ever trusted. That is so significant in my life.

To deal with fall out and consequences of this loss of my only support, loss of this person whom I trusted as much as I will ever be able to, is so painful.

I realise even more, how alone I am.

Author: Healing From Complex Trauma & PTSD/CPTSD

I am a survivor of complex and multiple trauma and abuse, who at the age of 40, began my healing journey. I am using my journey to recovery and healing, to help others, to help survivors feel less alone, validated, encouraged and to enable others to understand themselves more. Complex trauma, particularly from severe, prolonged childhood abuse, is profoundly life changing. Complex trauma produces complex adults. The journey to recovery is a painful, often lonely, emotional daily challenge and it is my aim to encourage others in their daily battle. ~ Lilly Hope Lucario

9 thoughts on “I realise my counselling, worsened my shame and trust issues.

  1. I am so sorry for your loss 😦 I can’t understand how upsetting and painful this must be. It is your decision to do what is best for you! ❤

  2. I CAN * understand I mean..Sorry, for the misspelling there. ❤

  3. This happens to me all the time. Even today she asked me if I got paid. I told her I didn’t want to fuckn do it after it happened. Does she not remember.

    I’m sorry you going through this. Really horrible to go through after everything you’ve been through. Hugs. Xx

  4. Lilly,

    I’m so sorry this has happened !!!
    Am holding you in my prayers!

    I wish I had lots of money because I’d pay for you to go to school to become a therapist because you would be so good for people suffering with ComplexPTSD.

    I’d sign up to be your first patient too.

    • That is so very sweet of you Jules. I appreciate your prayers and if it’s okay with you, I will hold you in my prayers too ❤

      I 'm aware I have a deep understanding of complex trauma and the profound effects it has on those who have suffered it.

      I know many have stated I should become a counsellor and maybe I will consider that in the future, but at the moment I am not emotionally strong enough to consider it.

      I'm aware the little part I do now, does help people to understand more, both professionals and survivors.

      I'll keep doing my little part, to reach out.

  5. Thank you everyone, I appreciate your kind words ❤

  6. That’s awful and in my experience all too common. I have also recently stopped seeing a counseller, for a different reason. She wouldn’t listen to me when I asked to slow down and stop talking about the trauma. I was constantly distressed, I lost my job and I couldn’t stop crying.

    Trying to find a new counseller that has the skills I need has been hell. A counseller who will listen to me, help me to take control of my healing, firmly believe that the blame and shame needs to be taken off the victim and placed squarely on the abuser who chose to abuse a child- these are meant to be pretty basic skills in trauma counselling.

    Acknowledging and helping you to recognize the catastrophic harm that was done to you, so you can grieve and heal, is also a basic skill a counseller should have.

    I am so shaken by my attempts to get a trustworthy ally in healing that I also doubt that a counseller will prove themselves trustworthy to me again. I have recently met with one counseller at a cafe so I can ensure that brakes are put on the intensity of the meeting and I can carefully control the amount I disclose so I can spend a long time safety and skill-checking her.

    I don’t intend to meet her anywhere private for at least six months. It will take me at least that time to undo the distress and unbalance the last counseller has left me in. I won’t be discussing trauma with her and have made it very clear she is to redirect me if I head in that way. The priority has to be recovering from bad counselling, getting back to a state of better balance and less distress. Remedying the depression, despair and hopelessness.

    You absolutely deserve good assistance in your healing, and it’s terrible that the skill level of counsellers in working with C-PTSD remains woefully low. Especially when they can’t even do the basics right.