I was watching the TV earlier and a psychologist was talking with someone who is dealing with serious emotional issues publicly, due to being in a reality show. The person complained about the lies and crap being promoted by people and how damaging, hurtful and upsetting it is.
The psychologist asked the really obvious question “If it’s harming you to be dealing with all this in the public eye, why are you doing this (reality show)?” And added “you don’t need to be doing this”.
Even though I am not on a reality show, I have put myself out there in a public way, by having this blog, and more so on social media accounts. And these promote the opportunity for people to react, respond and act badly, in response to what I do, what I write and how I defend myself against unhealthy people. This more ‘public’ situation, attracts the haters and people with no conscience who act in a really nasty and negative way.
I could not fail to apply this question to myself…….. even though the two situations are very different in many ways, but similar in some ways.
“If it’s harming you, why are you doing it?” With regard to social media. The public domain situation.
I can’t deny this is a question I should have asked myself some time back. It’s probably a question I already knew, but did not want to fully confront and deal with.
The answer is, I don’t ‘have’ to do this social media stuff. I don’t ‘need’ to be doing it, at the cost to my own wellbeing, to help others. I don’t ‘have’ to put myself out there, to get hurt by the darkness within others. I don’t have to know what nasty, disordered, dysfunctional, unhealthy people on social media are saying and doing.
So, I have made the decision to delete my Facebook page and walk away. And deleting my page, means it will be gone permanently. It is not a safe place. Far too many narcissistic and sociopathic trolls, bullies and dark hearted people. Who sadly spoil it for the honest, decent, genuine people.
And I have to care about me most, and start putting my needs first. Something I still struggle to do, as it is so alien to me.
I guess, it’s also moving away from that lifelong behaviour of allowing myself to be harmed, to put others first. The sense of ‘over responsibility’ for others, and feeling like unless I’m doing what others need, I am in someway ‘bad’. And confronting the issue of how getting hurt in the process by others ‘is somehow okay’ – because I have endured it so much in my life. When actually it is not okay. I see it is a form of emotional self harm.
Seeing that psychologist talk earlier, was a final and real moment of clarity that I needed to feel. It was like a little piece of therapy, I needed. Because I know, if I was talking to that psychologist, she would probably say the same to me about social media.
“If it’s harming you, why are you doing it?” Seems like such an obvious and simple question. One I guess needed time to fully comprehend, amongst the complexities of my lifelong core beliefs.