Healing From Complex Trauma & PTSD/CPTSD

A journey to healing from complex trauma.

“If it’s harming you, why are you doing it?” Says a psychologist.


I was watching the TV earlier and a psychologist was talking with someone who is dealing with serious emotional issues publicly, due to being in a reality show. The person complained about the lies and crap being promoted by people and how damaging, hurtful and upsetting it is.

The psychologist asked the really obvious question “If it’s harming you to be dealing with all this in the public eye, why are you doing this (reality show)?” And added “you don’t need to be doing this”.

Even though I am not on a reality show, I have put myself out there in a public way, by having this blog, and more so on social media accounts. And these promote the opportunity for people to react, respond and act badly, in response to what I do, what I write and how I defend myself against unhealthy people.  This more ‘public’ situation, attracts the haters and people with no conscience who act in a really nasty and negative way.

I could not fail to apply this question to myself…….. even though the two situations are very different in many ways, but similar in some ways.

“If it’s harming you, why are you doing it?” With regard to social media. The public domain situation.

I can’t deny this is a question I should have asked myself some time back. It’s probably a question I already knew, but did not want to fully confront and deal with.

The answer is, I don’t ‘have’ to do this social media stuff. I don’t ‘need’ to be doing it, at the cost to my own wellbeing, to help others. I don’t ‘have’ to put myself out there, to get hurt by the darkness within others. I don’t have to know what nasty, disordered, dysfunctional, unhealthy people on social media are saying and doing.

So, I have made the decision to delete my Facebook page and walk away. And deleting my page, means it will be gone permanently. It is not a safe place. Far too many narcissistic and sociopathic trolls, bullies and dark hearted people. Who sadly spoil it for the honest, decent, genuine people.

And I have to care about me most, and start putting my needs first. Something I still struggle to do, as it is so alien to me.

I guess, it’s also moving away from that lifelong behaviour of allowing myself to be harmed, to put others first. The sense of ‘over responsibility’ for others, and feeling like unless I’m doing what others need, I am in someway ‘bad’. And confronting the issue of how getting hurt in the process by others ‘is somehow okay’ – because I have endured it so much in my life. When actually it is not okay. I see it is a form of emotional self harm.

Seeing that psychologist talk earlier, was a final and real moment of clarity that I needed to feel. It was like a little piece of therapy, I needed. Because I know, if I was talking to that psychologist, she would probably say the same to me about social media.

“If it’s harming you, why are you doing it?” Seems like such an obvious and simple question. One I guess needed time to fully comprehend, amongst the complexities of my lifelong core beliefs.

Author: Healing From Complex Trauma & PTSD/CPTSD

I am a survivor of complex and multiple trauma and abuse, who at the age of 40, began my healing journey. I am using my journey to recovery and healing, to help others, to help survivors feel less alone, validated, encouraged and to enable others to understand themselves more. Complex trauma, particularly from severe, prolonged childhood abuse, is profoundly life changing. Complex trauma produces complex adults. The journey to recovery is a painful, often lonely, emotional daily challenge and it is my aim to encourage others in their daily battle. ~ Lilly Hope Lucario

7 thoughts on ““If it’s harming you, why are you doing it?” Says a psychologist.

  1. Well said Lilly. Excellent boundaries. I will miss you on FB, but I can still follow your web site. I admire you for having the insight to do what is best for yourself. Be well and Peace be with you. ❤️

  2. Your wise words have been incredibly helpful to me. Thank you. May God continue to bless you with wisdom. You have been a blessing to me.

  3. Thank you so much for asking this question!!

    It’s a question I need to ask myself about several relationships and other situations.

    Very freeing and empowering to ask myself these questions.

  4. I asked myself that to regarding my personal page and my cries for help that nobody listened to. That’s why I don’t go on it really at all. You help enough through your blog you don’t need to be abused for the good work you’ve done. I’m sorry that there are people out there like that. You are a wonderful kind caring soul and that’s why you were doing it. For people like me to see I’m not alone. But I totally understand the need to delete to. Xxx

  5. Thank you everyone and I am glad this is something others are able to see the message in and ask themselves this question too.

    Many of us, who endured toxic childhood’s and have been surrounded by toxic people, often become so used to being harmed that it becomes our ‘normal’. We don’t move away from toxic people/situations/environments quickly enough and we subconsciously put up with abuse, because it is familiar.

    A huge part of my journey, is to break that core belief that I need to be harmed and don’t deserve any better. To break that cycle of getting re-victimised, re-traumatised that is a common in child abuse survivors. And instead to develop core beliefs that encourage self esteem, and self respect. Moving away from anything toxic and unhealthy.

    It’s an ongoing journey for me and one I realise in my journey, takes time and cannot go any quicker than it needs to be, to develop skills and healthy beliefs and all I need to learn, along the way.

    It is my hope, for all to improve their lives, at their own pace, with developing self esteem, self respect, self compassion, boundaries etc…. so our lives all improve and become what we do deserve.

    ❤ ❤

  6. Hi Lilly, I was wondering where your page had went as I loved visiting it and sharing your lovely posts, which will be dearly missed. I completely understand your decision and I think you put it so eloquently when you said “A huge part of my journey, is to break that core belief that I need to be harmed and don’t deserve any better.” This is such a brilliant way of putting it and I resonate it with it so much. Having gone through so much cyberbullying and trolling on my own platforms, today has been an especially hard day and seeing your post very much validated my experience. It is so hard to be retraumatized by the very platforms on which we give comfort to others and seek comfort in return. While fellow survivors are often empathic and supportive, the cruelty of others who are in fact narcissistic and out to harm, especially online where they have the security of anonymity, has never been so clear to me as today. I am sorry for what you have gone through on these platforms and sad that online spaces have to be so toxic, especially for people who are already survivors of trauma, are giving back to the community like you are and are the last ones who need the stress. Our wounds are constantly being triggered by toxic people on social media and it’s not okay. I hope some day stricter laws make it more difficult for cyberbullies to pounce. Thank you for all that you’ve done and continue to do for survivors. You are truly a unique voice and I am glad that you will continue to write. Your voice is needed. Hugs 🙂 -Shahida ❤ ❤ ❤

    • Thank you Shahida ❤

      I am so sorry you have endured bullying and cyber trolling on your page too… it seems the more genuine we are, and the more good work we do…. the worse that cyber bullying gets. You and I, do not deserve that, at all.

      Darkness, doesn't like the light. I always remember that. It is threatened by goodness.

      Facebook is a really unsafe place and promotes cyber bullying, which is a polite term for narcissistic/sociopathic abuse.

      Most of the cyber bullying I have endured has been from ex military, who claim to have PTSD. But, I see clearly PTSD, is not all they have (if in fact they even have PTSD. I suspect more of them are NPD or AsPD). They are very narcissistic/sociopathic in their behaviours and attitudes and use PTSD as the excuse. They take/steal what they want, act like pack animals when you stand up to them, and have those revenge issues that I see dark hearted people need.

      The cyber abuse I have been subjected to over the last few weeks, has been beyond appalling. They are like animals.

      I've had 3 years of my Facebook page and enduring such behaviours from others and I choose not to expose myself to it anymore.

      I will keep writing here, keep posting on Twitter which seems safer than Facebook, and keep my Website going, which helps many. I am content with that.

      Thank you again for all your support. I will keep supporting you too via Twitter and this blog, as your work is important, valid and needed.

      ❤ ❤