I am completely honest that boundaries and balance were never my strong points. They often aren’t, when you have grown in a toxic environment with unhealthy parents. It is common in complex trauma survivors to have inappropriate boundaries, when you never learned them.
It takes self insight and self honesty, to admit this and address it. It takes courage…. and it needs to be addressed, for any change and healing to occur.
I’ve been harmed by many people with toxic souls, and inappropriate harmful boundary issues. My learned weak, soft boundaries, have meant I was an always an easy target. I’ve learned to have better boundaries now, and keep away from toxic and harmfully disordered people, wherever possible.
Over the last 3 years, I have even needed to learn the necessity of boundaries away from some who have PTSD … mostly to keep the toxic that can be present, away. I’ve learned some PTSD/abuse survivors have issues with boundaries and when theirs are combined with anger, entitlement to harm others, the ‘fight/narcissistic defence’ trauma typology, plus a lack of stopping and thinking before reacting, a lack of empathy for others, ego issues, etc…. it causes great harm. I’ve learned and researched how PTSD and narcissism often co-occur. And whilst I do understand their issues, I don’t have to allow myself to be subjected to the harm they cause.
There may be reasons why people are abusive…… but they are not excuses. Abuse is never okay. And I do not need to continue being a doormat for this.
My boundaries have become far more healthy and I am okay with that. It’s real healing and progress for me. And an ongoing journey.
Balance is a hard issue to keep working on.
It’s easy for me to become almost addicted to things that matter to me. It’s easy for anyone who has experienced severe trauma and a lot of it, and has PTSD/Complex PTSD to understandably become overwhelmed and consumed by it all.
So I spend too much time on social media, too much time thinking I have to do more than I am to help others and feel overly responsible. And I’ve always not balanced this enough with good/nice things in my life, that are healthy for me.
I am addressing that and I do find it easier to remind myself quicker to stop, and go find something nice to do. Or, if I am really tired and have no energy, or feel really low… I’ll watch TV or read to take my mind off it.
I am incorporating more nice activities and non PTSD/abuse related focusses into my life. I volunteer weekly, I garden. I’m starting to socialise again a little with new friends. These all promote post traumatic growth and help me to heal.
I have my work I share on my Website and this blog, and on limited amounts of interaction on social media platforms. I am content with that and it helps me know I am reaching others who have suffered/are suffering and I have a sense of purpose out of all the suffering. Which again is post traumatic growth.
But, I am very aware of the need for boundaries and balance….. vital for a much healthier life.