Healing From Complex Trauma & PTSD/CPTSD

A journey to healing from complex trauma.

The reality of having no counselling anymore, is setting in.


The reality of my counselling ending, has started to really sink in. So many emotions, grieving, sadness, annoyance at myself for trusting someone…. all things that I feel deeply.

I’ve realised more than ever over the last few weeks, just how agenda driven, self serving and unaware of this within themselves, so many people are. Several situations have arisen lately, that have shown this so clearly.

My trust issues have kind of shifted, from a deep fear of trusting people…. to a deep awareness of how little people can actually be trusted.

Even though my counselling over the last 3 years has never been perfect and has always had red flags and issues crop up…. I think just having it there…. still felt like some kind of support.

And for a long time I clung onto it. Desperately. Like you do when you are drowning and it’s the only life support you have, to keep you alive.

I could write heaps about the issues that I saw, felt and raised and absolutely know were agenda issues not in my interests.  But I don’t want to. I realise I have to move on and accept it’s over and that I am in fact completely alone emotionally in this journey. I know I’m grieving a significant loss in my life. Someone I tried to trust, really needed to trust and did, more than anyone else in my life. And I shouldn’t have. A familiar story in my life.

I won’t trust anyone again. I won’t even try to. I’ve finally accepted not to. It hurts too much.

I’ve always been grieving loss, my entire life. It continues.

And I allowing myself grieving. Because it is normal, natural and needed. I don’t suppress what I need to feel, anymore.


Author: Healing From Complex Trauma & PTSD/CPTSD

I am a survivor of complex and multiple trauma and abuse, who at the age of 40, began my healing journey. I am using my journey to recovery and healing, to help others, to help survivors feel less alone, validated, encouraged and to enable others to understand themselves more. Complex trauma, particularly from severe, prolonged childhood abuse, is profoundly life changing. Complex trauma produces complex adults. The journey to recovery is a painful, often lonely, emotional daily challenge and it is my aim to encourage others in their daily battle. ~ Lilly Hope Lucario

7 thoughts on “The reality of having no counselling anymore, is setting in.

  1. So many fail us. We can not hold onto any human… but God. I will continue to pray for you. You help many people who have been abused. I pray that this feeling of despair and grief will pass as you hold onto God who is always trustworthy. God bless you!!

  2. I understand how broken , shattered and hurt you feel and wish I had a magic wand to mend it all, but I don’t. Thanks for sharing your feelings that I really empathize with. As somone once said you have to feel it , to heal it. Always stay true to your feelings because they matter and you matter.

  3. I am so sorry that you had a terrible experience with a therapist.

  4. Good on you for not suppressing it. Keep going. I believe in you lilly.

  5. And there was red flags all the time. Have you looked into someone else. I know she was not right but there could be somebody out there that will fit your needs. I hope you will look. You are so Corageous caring and kind to others i hoe somebody shows you that there are nice people still out there. X 😦

  6. Thank you everyone, I appreciate your kind words and support. Much love to you all, Lilly ❤ ❤

  7. Lilly,

    Just read a very very powerful article that validates many things you’ve said.