Healing From Complex Trauma & PTSD/CPTSD

A journey to healing from complex trauma.

I am still grieving being sexually exploited by my own mother & step father.


worst betrayal

The pain of coming to understand and come to terms with this, is beyond painful. It has nearly killed me.

I am aware my trauma history is significantly severe. And it is all down to my mother and her husband. It all started with them, and is entirely their responsibility, their blame, their guilt, their shame. Not mine.

The first 20 years of my life and the consequences of what followed, is due to the severe abuse, exploitation my mother and her husband made choices to inflict.

And worse…. they enjoyed it.

I’m doing better as the months go by, in dealing with this. Sometimes, I still feel the intense pain, as you do when grieving. I realise I will be grieving all my life, but it will come and go, and lesson in severity and intensity.

It’s early days yet, I realise. It’s only in the last 12 months, I came to fully understand it all. I still have PTSD, so I still have unwanted intrusive thoughts, nightmares etc. Now, I can manage them better. But, they are still there. I am aware that for severe PTSD/Complex PTSD, there is no cure. You just learn to manage it better.

I know you don’t grieve and process through this level of trauma and the betrayal, abandonment, and severe abuse… quickly. Not, if you are processing it fully.

So, I have self compassion and when I feel those intense emotions – I allow myself to feel them. Trying to push them away, makes it worse. I also tell myself now, as I feel those intense emotions… it will pass. Tomorrow will be a better day. I can hold onto that understanding now.

I guess, it’s not all as hopeless as it felt 12 months ago.

Which is healing.

Healing a trauma history like mine, take as long as it takes, and rushing it, hinders healing.

Author: Healing From Complex Trauma & PTSD/CPTSD

I am a survivor of complex and multiple trauma and abuse, who at the age of 40, began my healing journey. I am using my journey to recovery and healing, to help others, to help survivors feel less alone, validated, encouraged and to enable others to understand themselves more. Complex trauma, particularly from severe, prolonged childhood abuse, is profoundly life changing. Complex trauma produces complex adults. The journey to recovery is a painful, often lonely, emotional daily challenge and it is my aim to encourage others in their daily battle. ~ Lilly Hope Lucario

5 thoughts on “I am still grieving being sexually exploited by my own mother & step father.

  1. It is significantly slow. Im so pissed that its nearly a year and still havent talked trauma. Its just too goddam hard. It sux. I hate my life right now but am glad you feeling better by a little bit. X

  2. I too was sexually abused by my parents. I have healed a lot but it took time and a good therapist. I’m glad you feel better than you did a year ago.

  3. Thank you both ❤ ❤

    Healing is a hard, long and often slow process, and that's okay. The significance and severity of the trauma of child sexual abuse, is not something easily or quickly healed from. I validate that.

    I'm not a fan of intentionally suppressing it, and thinking that's healing, because it's not. But dealing with it, is really painful, especially for those of us who think and feel deeply.

    I support anyone in this journey, no matter where they are at, no matter how they are doing. I have enough empathy to understand this journey is different for us all and takes as long as it takes for each individual person and their unique journey.

    ❤ ❤

  4. Just letting you know I’m still here Sweettie. We grieve many relationships, lost loved ones, the absence of needs being met… There’s a long list of things we grieve. I’ve learned to take the time to cry, feel, mourn etc. all the while making plans for my future. Talk to those I trust and just keep moving forward so as not to get stuck in it. The reason I can do that, now, is partly due to what I’ve learned from you.

    • Hi Annette ❤

      I am glad anything I have written has helped you in your journey in any way.

      Yes, we need to grieve, allow our emotions and not feel we have to suppress it.

      It is the only way to healing and it takes as long as it takes.

      Much love to you, Lilly ❤