Healing From Complex Trauma & PTSD/CPTSD

A journey to healing from complex trauma.

I don’t know what to say to some people who are suffering so badly. I don’t want to say the wrong thing.


I don’t have all the answers, or the capacity to know what to say to every person who is suffering.

I worry and stress that I may say the wrong thing, to those who are filled with hopelessness and in so much pain.

I never want to invalidate or minimize anyone’s pain. I know that is dangerous and pushes people over the edge.

I also don’t want to tell anyone it is hopeless, because I don’t want anyone to give up completely, as that is dangerous too.

I know through all the hurt, invalidation, minimization and shaming I have endured, not to do this to others. It is beyond painful and has nearly killed me.

I simply don’t know what to say to some people.

I really stress and worry that what I say will not be what they need to hear. Not be what they are emotionally and psychologically capable of hearing.

I also know, it is not my job to be someone who knows what to say to every person. That would be an unrealistic expectation of myself, or of others – to expect me to have all the right words.

And I don’t want to be someone who pretends/deludes self, into thinking I know it all, or have all the answers, as that is dangerous too.

I’m aware, many people need to stop thinking they can give advice to people when they do not have the capacity, empathy or insight to give appropriate advice. I apply that to myself in certain situations too.

Author: Healing From Complex Trauma & PTSD/CPTSD

I am a survivor of complex and multiple trauma and abuse, who at the age of 40, began my healing journey. I am using my journey to recovery and healing, to help others, to help survivors feel less alone, validated, encouraged and to enable others to understand themselves more. Complex trauma, particularly from severe, prolonged childhood abuse, is profoundly life changing. Complex trauma produces complex adults. The journey to recovery is a painful, often lonely, emotional daily challenge and it is my aim to encourage others in their daily battle. ~ Lilly Hope Lucario

6 thoughts on “I don’t know what to say to some people who are suffering so badly. I don’t want to say the wrong thing.

  1. This is how i feel about you.. I try but like i said i don’t want to push to hard and push you away. Hugs. It’s such a bloody struggle ain’t it

  2. Lilly, I think you do a fantastic job of keeping the right balance of advice and empowering people so that while a post may trigger despair it’s followed by feeling empowered by a greater understanding of C-PTSD and by the deeper things you explain.

    I also think your perspective on how you should approach these concerns is correct.

    • Thank you Jules ❤

      As I am so aware of how it feels to be in the depths of despair, feel suicidal, feel beyond any hope.

      It gives me the empathy to understand how this feels to others. This is something I continually have on my mind when dealing with other people, as I don't want to worsen anyone's pain, but also want to give some hope.

      This hope can often just letting others know, I understand how they feel.

  3. Locating a reliable and caring ptsd counselor in Culver City has proven far more difficult than I expected.