I am sat with tears flooding down my face as I write this.
When I write posts, like my last one, where I have to face and acknowledge that some issues caused by the severe childhood trauma I endured, are still ongoing, it hurts. It hurts deeply.
There are wounds that prolonged childhood sexual abuse cause, that child sexual abuse grooming by paedophiles/predators cause, that still affect my life in truly profound ways. And to know my own mother was complicit and exploited me, is beyond painful.
And I can’t fix it. I can’t make it go away. I can’t be ‘normal’. And that causes more shame, on top of all the shame I already feel, due to all the abuse and grooming.
It’s more painful than I can express.
Having intrusive memories and emotional flashbacks, that still pervade my life.
It’s so cruel.
They are still there, in my head and I can’t get them out.
I can’t stop these memories. This pain.
July 30, 2015 at 12:33 am
I am not sure what to say, but there is so many who understand your pain.
July 30, 2015 at 6:20 am
I know it sux shit so much and i Woah i could be there to support you. I’m sorry I’m not. Hugs
July 30, 2015 at 6:21 am
Wish. Stupid phone
July 30, 2015 at 7:19 am
Thank you both. I appreciate your messages. I wish no-one felt this pain or understood how this feels, as I wish no-one had to suffer like this.
I’m so sorry for all of us who do and go through this.
❤ ❤