Healing From Complex Trauma & PTSD/CPTSD

A journey to healing from complex trauma.

The ongoing pain & grieving, due to the ongoing consequences, of all the childhood sexual trauma.



I am sat with tears flooding down my face as I write this.

When I write posts, like my last one, where I have to face and acknowledge that some issues caused by the severe childhood trauma I endured, are still ongoing, it hurts. It hurts deeply.

There are wounds that prolonged childhood sexual abuse cause, that child sexual abuse grooming by paedophiles/predators cause, that still affect my life in truly profound ways. And to know my own mother was complicit and exploited me, is beyond painful.

And I can’t fix it. I can’t make it go away. I can’t be ‘normal’. And that causes more shame, on top of all the shame I already feel, due to all the abuse and grooming.

It’s more painful than I can express.

Having intrusive memories and emotional flashbacks, that still pervade my life.

It’s so cruel.

They are still there, in my head and I can’t get them out.

I can’t stop these memories. This pain.

Author: Healing From Complex Trauma & PTSD/CPTSD

I am a survivor of complex and multiple trauma and abuse, who at the age of 40, began my healing journey. I am using my journey to recovery and healing, to help others, to help survivors feel less alone, validated, encouraged and to enable others to understand themselves more. Complex trauma, particularly from severe, prolonged childhood abuse, is profoundly life changing. Complex trauma produces complex adults. The journey to recovery is a painful, often lonely, emotional daily challenge and it is my aim to encourage others in their daily battle. ~ Lilly Hope Lucario

4 thoughts on “The ongoing pain & grieving, due to the ongoing consequences, of all the childhood sexual trauma.

  1. I am not sure what to say, but there is so many who understand your pain.

  2. I know it sux shit so much and i Woah i could be there to support you. I’m sorry I’m not. Hugs

  3. Thank you both. I appreciate your messages. I wish no-one felt this pain or understood how this feels, as I wish no-one had to suffer like this.

    I’m so sorry for all of us who do and go through this.

    ❤ ❤