Healing From Complex Trauma & PTSD/CPTSD

A journey to healing from complex trauma.


My husband just booked 2 nights away at a hotel, for a family break.

My husband knows how low I am. He knows I am struggling badly. He just booked 2 nights away at a hotel, for us all as a family. He says we need a break.

My children will love it. The hotel pool is heated, so hopefully warm enough to swim in. It’s near the theme parks we have yearly passes for. It’s at the beach, so that will be lovely. My children love the beach. It’s my favourite place to be, walking along the beach, smelling the sea air. The weather is forecast to be lovely.

So, we get up early in the morning, pack a suitcase and go.

It will be nice to get away.


I realise I need specialised trauma counselling, to deal with all the sexual abuse.

I know I am going to have to find another counsellor. Only one who specialises in child sexual abuse trauma and exploitation. One who doesn’t shame me.

I’m not coping with the exploitation stuff. I’m not coping with the shame of all the grooming. I’m not coping with trying to do this on my own.

I would rather die, than have to feel any more of this pain.

Again, I’m at that place where it’s only my children keeping me alive.

I’m going to have to find a counsellor, and pay whatever it costs. Continue reading


Fragile & unsafe. Staying off social media. Distracting myself.

My past is really haunting me at the moment. I was pretty much suicidal last night. I’m fragile today. I have no support. I’m caring for myself the best I can.

I’m staying off social media, to avoid anymore triggers and emotional pain. I also cannot read any more reports about other severe child sexual abuse cases, because the pain is too intense. I guess this is better self care than I have managed in the past.

I’m distracting myself as best I can. Going outside in my gardens. Reading up on/watching YouTube video’s on propagating plants, which I want to have a go at. Gardening is soothing and comforting to me. Although only barely so, today.

I’ve just had a shower and washed my hair and I’m about to make a cup of tea and watch some TV. I guess that’s self care too. Continue reading


Father pimped out daughter, to paedophiles. One of whom is a pastor, and a prison fellowship manager


Father pimped out daughter to paedophiles, and this girl was horrifically abused.

One of these was a church pastor and former Prison Fellowship manager. Sounds to me like he surrounded himself with fellow criminals and offenders, because he is exactly like them. He was probably advocating for people like himself – paedophiles and child abusers, to be released from prison, and their crimes minimized. And all the while he is horrifically raping and abusing a child.


Each one of these men deserve to be in prison for the rest of their natural lives.