My past is really haunting me at the moment. I was pretty much suicidal last night. I’m fragile today. I have no support. I’m caring for myself the best I can.
I’m staying off social media, to avoid anymore triggers and emotional pain. I also cannot read any more reports about other severe child sexual abuse cases, because the pain is too intense. I guess this is better self care than I have managed in the past.
I’m distracting myself as best I can. Going outside in my gardens. Reading up on/watching YouTube video’s on propagating plants, which I want to have a go at. Gardening is soothing and comforting to me. Although only barely so, today.
I’ve just had a shower and washed my hair and I’m about to make a cup of tea and watch some TV. I guess that’s self care too.
Distraction is the only way I can cope. It’s the only form of mindfulness I can do when I am this low.
I also cannot fail to realise, I am here again.
At my lowest.