My past is really haunting me at the moment. I was pretty much suicidal last night. I’m fragile today. I have no support. I’m caring for myself the best I can.
I’m staying off social media, to avoid anymore triggers and emotional pain. I also cannot read any more reports about other severe child sexual abuse cases, because the pain is too intense. I guess this is better self care than I have managed in the past.
I’m distracting myself as best I can. Going outside in my gardens. Reading up on/watching YouTube video’s on propagating plants, which I want to have a go at. Gardening is soothing and comforting to me. Although only barely so, today.
I’ve just had a shower and washed my hair and I’m about to make a cup of tea and watch some TV. I guess that’s self care too.
Distraction is the only way I can cope. It’s the only form of mindfulness I can do when I am this low.
I also cannot fail to realise, I am here again.
At my lowest.
Alone.
July 30, 2015 at 12:19 pm
Please know that you have been a blessing to me. Many years of therapy and many dollars spent with no relief. Your blog has been has been incredibly helpful. You are in my prayers.
July 31, 2015 at 12:03 am
I agree with Tricia so much!!!
Your blog is like a garden for me.
July 30, 2015 at 12:26 pm
I’m so sorry you are alone. I really wish i could be there to help you. Did you ever set up what we talked about. Have you ever got my emails.
July 30, 2015 at 2:23 pm
I am so sorry. I am at a low place too. And alone.
So we are together.
July 30, 2015 at 6:56 pm
Distraction is everything Lilly so keep at it. Do your gardening and find peaceful moments in the small things.You are managing hour by hour and thats all that matters at the moment.Give yourself a pat on the back and congratulate yourself for persevering. I know suffering isn’t fair and you should never have had to deal with any of this.Nobody should have! I wish you peace and sending you lots of love from across the world. You and everyone suffering deserves love, peace & support. ❤
July 31, 2015 at 8:02 am
Thank you all ❤
I really appreciate your messages, so very kind ❤
I wish none of us were enduring any of this pain and suffering. If being very upfront and honest about my own journey here and how it can actually be, helps anyone else, I am thankful.
❤ ❤