Sometimes, when I read how much trauma I have endured and all the many consequences of it… I wonder how the hell I am alive. I am reminded of my first counsellor saying ‘you are a walking miracle’.
It’s deeply overwhelming to know all the many types of trauma and the many types of abuse. And it being over decades. And worse, who caused them. And how intentional it all was. And the levels of suffering. So young too.
It’s more painful than I can express.
I am sat typing this, with a huge knot of fear within my chest, tears pouring down my face. Dissociation close and I can feel myself shutting down.
It’s too much. Too much trauma. Too much betrayal. Too much pain.