I don’t belong here. Never have. Never will.

I know I don’t belong here. I can’t wait to die, and be where I belong.

I don’t have a fear of dying. I have more of a fear of having to live.

I’m done and I have been for some time.

I endure this life, because I have to. Not because I want to.

I love my children and I am responsible for them.

But, I am absolutely done.

Something I acknowledge, understand, know and will not just pretend is not there.

I am passing through this life, knowing where I am heading.

This life has been too cruel and continues to be so. I’m done.

I don’t belong here.

I belong where I am heading.

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I am glad to be able to know these deeply painful emotions I can feel at times, I can recover from far quicker. I accept I am grieving and the depth of pain to process all I have endured, is intense and takes time.

But recovering quickly and the next day being a good day, shows healing and reflecting on this post, is proof.

Yesterday – really amazing & really horrible, all in one day. Self care a priority today.

Yesterday started really well. Amazing experience of talking with a lovely man at volunteering and hearing part of his powerful faith testimony. I was really emotional about this.

The day continued and I am sick, which was beginning yesterday. I know being physically sick with viral stuff, adds to the heavy load of illness. By the evening I had horrible sore throat, felt achy all over, back pain etc increasing, bad headache etc. I have the yucky viral stuff going around.