Healing From Complex Trauma & PTSD/CPTSD

A journey to healing from complex trauma.

I don’t belong here. Never have. Never will.


don't belong

I know I don’t belong here. I can’t wait to die, and be where I belong.

I don’t have a fear of dying. I have more of a fear of having to live.

I’m done and I have been for some time.

I endure this life, because I have to. Not because I want to.

I love my children and I am responsible for them.

But, I am absolutely done.

Something I acknowledge, understand, know and will not just pretend is not there.

I am passing through this life, knowing where I am heading.

This life has been too cruel and continues to be so. I’m done.

I don’t belong here.

I belong where I am heading.

I am glad to be able to know these deeply painful emotions I can feel at times, I can recover from far quicker. I accept I am grieving and the depth of pain to process all I have endured, is intense and takes time.

But recovering quickly and the next day being a good day, shows healing and reflecting on this post, is proof.

Author: Healing From Complex Trauma & PTSD/CPTSD

I am a survivor of complex and multiple trauma and abuse, who at the age of 40, began my healing journey. I am using my journey to recovery and healing, to help others, to help survivors feel less alone, validated, encouraged and to enable others to understand themselves more. Complex trauma, particularly from severe, prolonged childhood abuse, is profoundly life changing. Complex trauma produces complex adults. The journey to recovery is a painful, often lonely, emotional daily challenge and it is my aim to encourage others in their daily battle.

7 thoughts on “I don’t belong here. Never have. Never will.

  1. Dear Lilly, I’m so sorry 😢. I can relate; I feel the same way ever since I can remember. You expressed my feelings perfectly too. You are such a wonderful person, and my heart breaks because you deserve so much more. Peace be with you Lilly. ❤️

  2. Lilly in this post you expressed
    EXACTLY how I feel.

    It’s heartbreaking that we feel and experience this.

    It’s very comforting to know I’m not all alone in feeling this way.

  3. Thank you Sue & Jules❤❤

    I am actually really sorry you both understand how this feels and relate, because I don't want anyone else to feel this way. It breaks my heart for others, more than myself.

    I do think that in accepting and being honest about how we feel, how we have always felt, is needed. And how hard it is to deal with the reality of this.

    I am thankful that in sharing this, comfort is given to others, to know they are not alone in feeling this way. I do understand.

  4. Hey!! I have thought about suicide many times. Even as a 13 year old. But now I found YOU. You wrote something once to me that Validated my experience , and the Heaviness went away in my chest and tightness in my body. So I do think you belong here.

  5. Ever since i was little i wanted to die. I feel like that now. When will it ever stop. At the end. I fkn hope so. But you are meant to be here cos you help all these people. You do alot of Good work by sharing. Sorry you feel like this too.

  6. I get that….thats how I have felt most of my life….beam me up scotty,get me the hell out of here

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