Driving to the city is something I have avoided in 10 years of living in my current location. Anxiety had always prevented me. But, last week I ventured and today I drove with a friend.
Today, I was anxious and missed a turning and ended up going through the city, which I did not like or feel comfortable with. My friend was lovely and was helping me with directions.
I ran a red light accidently, and it nearly ended in a car crash. My friend was clearly shaken and I felt worse for her than myself. I felt terrible. It was entirely because I was talking, whilst trying to look at the GPS and not concentrating enough on the road. I apologised and my friend was very gracious and we ended up laughing about it later. I was thankful for that. Humour always helps.
I actually remained very calm throughout the situation and was able to continue driving, which shows my capacity for remaining calm and managing anxiety, even in potentially life endangering situations. Only a few minutes after this near car crash, I was chatting and talking calmly to the people we were meeting. And then drove all the way home.
I realise that even 6 months ago, I would have fallen apart, been unable to drive and either needed my friend to continue driving, or phone my husband in tears to come and get me.
I was remarkably calm and I realise that is a first in my entire life, to cope so calmly in a high stress situation ….. that wasn’t dissociation. I know the difference between dissociation…. and calmness.
I see the huge progress in my healing, within this situation.
I would much rather this had not happened and so very glad the situation did not result in anyone hurt. But I was glad to see my progress. I also know to concentrate more on the road! No chatting!