I used to have a great fear of relationships ending, and feel huge levels of grieving and loss. I would do anything to avoid that feeling of loss. I would people please, be a doormat, apologise for what I shouldn’t. Whatever was needed to keep the relationship going.
Now I don’t do any of that. I am okay with relationships ending that need to end. I can manage it far better.
My counselling has ended, my decision. I am surprising okay with it. I could no longer tolerate the ongoing underlying patterns of patronising, condescending, mocking, abuser excusing and victim blaming/shaming. I’ve dealt with too much of it now to ignore it. I’ve challenged it, I’ve stated what I won’t tolerate, I’ve stood up for myself, I’ve heard apologies and yet it continued. So, I ended counselling as I realise there is a point at which you know you need to give up and let it go. There is a lot I could write, but I’ve written it all before and I don’t feel the need to rehash it all. Continue reading