Healing From Complex Trauma & PTSD/CPTSD

A journey to healing from complex trauma.

Relationships end, but I’m okay with that.


I used to have a great fear of relationships ending, and feel huge levels of grieving and loss. I would do anything to avoid that feeling of loss. I would people please, be a doormat, apologise for what I shouldn’t. Whatever was needed to keep the relationship going.

Now I don’t do any of that. I am okay with relationships ending that need to end. I can manage it far better.

My counselling has ended, my decision. I am surprising okay with it. I could no longer tolerate the ongoing underlying patterns of patronising, condescending, mocking, abuser excusing and victim blaming/shaming. I’ve dealt with too much of it now to ignore it. I’ve challenged it, I’ve stated what I won’t tolerate, I’ve stood up for myself, I’ve heard apologies and yet it continued. So, I ended counselling as I realise there is a point at which you know you need to give up and let it go. There is a lot I could write, but I’ve written it all before and I don’t feel the need to rehash it all. 

I realise church people can be truly messed up and I see all their many cognitive distortions. I see how their church conditioning, sadly affects their minds and judgment. They think a lot of what they believe is compassion and wisdom, but it isn’t. Church people are notorious for abuser defending/protecting, victim blaming and shame shifting. It’s very limited depth of thinking, unwise, lacking in empathy, emotionally abusive and I see that, although many of them don’t.

I’m at that point in my life, where I really do not personalise other people’s issues any longer. I accept it hurts, I accept there is a level of grieving and sadness when a relationship ends, as that is normal. But, I am no longer consumed by it and can manage it well.

I am far better at handling other people’s issues now and just distancing myself from patterns of behaviour I can not accept, or tolerate in my life.

My life has taught me well, when you don’t distance yourself, you keep getting hurt.

I am a moth to the flame, no more.

And life goes on.

Author: Healing From Complex Trauma & PTSD/CPTSD

I am a survivor of complex and multiple trauma and abuse, who at the age of 40, began my healing journey. I am using my journey to recovery and healing, to help others, to help survivors feel less alone, validated, encouraged and to enable others to understand themselves more. Complex trauma, particularly from severe, prolonged childhood abuse, is profoundly life changing. Complex trauma produces complex adults. The journey to recovery is a painful, often lonely, emotional daily challenge and it is my aim to encourage others in their daily battle. ~ Lilly Hope Lucario

4 thoughts on “Relationships end, but I’m okay with that.

  1. My new mantra from YOU…….Distancing myself from patterns of behavior I can not accept or tolerate. ! LOVE that !
    I swear You were sent to me to help me heal.

  2. I feel so much calmer when I read the things you write. Like my soul is healing. Strangest feeling.