Healing From Complex Trauma & PTSD/CPTSD

A journey to healing from complex trauma.

It is very freeing, to not emotionally ‘need’ people.

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When you don’t ‘need’ people, it becomes very freeing. I choose to be around people and have connections, but I cherish my own company. I cherish my time alone and need that, more than connections to people.

I am obviously around my husband and we parent our children and have our family. So there are practical, family level needs. But, other than our children and gardening, we have nothing else in common and we are very different people. I don’t have a soul/emotional connection with him, due to our vast differences. I care about him, but I don’t ‘need’ him.

I have some friends and I enjoy their company and I am interested in their lives and their needs. But, I don’t require or need anything back. And I don’t expect anything back.

I enjoy volunteering, because I know it is helping others in a way they need, not what I need. It’s important to me, to help people who are in need… the marginalised, the oppressed, the abused, the needy, the elderly etc.

I no longer need counselling. My first counsellor told me I do most of my own healing/counselling and she was right. That continued on and everything I have needed to heal, I worked out for myself. I don’t need any validation of what I know and feel, my discernment and my capacity for deep thought.

I am secure in my understanding of myself, my journey and of humanity.

I’ve always been very independent and very resourceful, since being a child. It gave me levels of inner strength needed, to be alone. I’ve been alone all my life, even whilst surrounded by people. I used to hate this disconnection from people. The aloneness. Felt this huge part of my life missing, due to the hole in my soul where a caring loving, family should have been. It made me feel deeply flawed, deeply weird, terribly unloved and very different. I hated that. But now I know who I am and I am thankful I am different and I no longer seek or need anything from people.

I am content and secure in my differences and people not understanding me. I’m okay with that. I don’t have shame anymore, that was never mine to own. I don’t expect or want to fit in. I am not interested in anyone’s opinion of me, as my inner self, is now secure.

I don’t need people any longer and it gives a level of peace I have never experienced over a sustained period of time, until recently.

It is very freeing, when you don’t ‘need’ anyone. It is freeing to choose when to be connected to people, to want to help people, but not have that based upon any emotional self needs.

I do feel, very free.

And peace.


Author: Healing From Complex Trauma & PTSD/CPTSD

I am a survivor of complex and multiple trauma and abuse, who at the age of 40, began my healing journey. I am using my journey to recovery and healing, to help others, to help survivors feel less alone, validated, encouraged and to enable others to understand themselves more. Complex trauma, particularly from severe, prolonged childhood abuse, is profoundly life changing. Complex trauma produces complex adults. The journey to recovery is a painful, often lonely, emotional daily challenge and it is my aim to encourage others in their daily battle.

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