Healing From Complex Trauma & PTSD/CPTSD

A journey to healing from complex trauma.

When you feel like a fool, for being fooled, remember where the responsibility lies.


Being honest, is something very hard for many people. When lied to, duped, fooled by someone you wanted to trust – someone you should have been able and expect to trust… it’s not being a fool. It’s being a normal human being.

I forget this sometimes, and revert to feeling like an idiot, for trusting people. However, wanting to trust people and expect good from people, is not wrong. But, when someone is dishonest – repeatedly – that is always ‘their’ issue.

I need to remember this. It’s so easy for me to self blame and shift the blame of other people’s issues, to myself. Lifetime habits, are hard to completely break. The good part is, I am able to not fall apart, and now sit with my emotions, speak up for myself, and then accept the issues of others, are theirs.

I do not feel responsibility for the failures of others. Not anymore. I will not feel the dishonesty of others, must in some way be my fault. Not anymore. I do not personalise their failures, but I will allow myself needed emotions of hurt caused. And I am able to manage those emotions, with a clear understanding I am only responsible for my own actions and not those of others.

I am at that point of seeing, I can acknowledge and feel needed emotions, without them overwhelming me. To stand secure in my understanding, that I am no way responsible for the actions, hearts, souls, of others.

I know this is healthy place to be at. It is not avoiding or suppressing hurt, it is not taking on other people’s shit, as my own.

I always reflect on situations, as gauges of where I am at. I’m okay with where I am at. I see the healing and for that I am thankful.

I would also rather be someone who does want to believe in people, and possibly find out that was a mistake. Than assume everyone is going to let you down. And just appropriately manage the fallout, if someone does.

Author: Healing From Complex Trauma & PTSD/CPTSD

I am a survivor of complex and multiple trauma and abuse, who at the age of 40, began my healing journey. I am using my journey to recovery and healing, to help others, to help survivors feel less alone, validated, encouraged and to enable others to understand themselves more. Complex trauma, particularly from severe, prolonged childhood abuse, is profoundly life changing. Complex trauma produces complex adults. The journey to recovery is a painful, often lonely, emotional daily challenge and it is my aim to encourage others in their daily battle. ~ Lilly Hope Lucario

3 thoughts on “When you feel like a fool, for being fooled, remember where the responsibility lies.

  1. I can totally relate to this, it is so hard to not feel stupid for trusting someone when it turns out they couldn’t be trusted. But it isn’t us who should feel shame, its the person who did wrong.

    • You are exactly right, the person who needs to feel the shame of doing wrong, is the person who did wrong.

      So much in my life, I have taken the shame that is not mine to feel, as my own. Now I refuse to do that.

      People need to own their wrongs, own their lies etc and deal with them like mature adults. If they won’t, that is their conscience to deal with.

  2. I’m so glad I read this & it’s so true. Trusting others can be challenging & to believe that person was trustworthy & to confide in, yet to use it against me is sad & hurtful. However the person fooled us is about them, not us. I’m just aware to be very careful in who I share my personal life with. It really takes time to trust someone. Wolves in sheep clothing is what the scary thing is & some can do it so well.