Being honest, is something very hard for many people. When lied to, duped, fooled by someone you wanted to trust – someone you should have been able and expect to trust… it’s not being a fool. It’s being a normal human being.
I forget this sometimes, and revert to feeling like an idiot, for trusting people. However, wanting to trust people and expect good from people, is not wrong. But, when someone is dishonest – repeatedly – that is always ‘their’ issue.
I need to remember this. It’s so easy for me to self blame and shift the blame of other people’s issues, to myself. Lifetime habits, are hard to completely break. The good part is, I am able to not fall apart, and now sit with my emotions, speak up for myself, and then accept the issues of others, are theirs.
I do not feel responsibility for the failures of others. Not anymore. I will not feel the dishonesty of others, must in some way be my fault. Not anymore. I do not personalise their failures, but I will allow myself needed emotions of hurt caused. And I am able to manage those emotions, with a clear understanding I am only responsible for my own actions and not those of others.
I am at that point of seeing, I can acknowledge and feel needed emotions, without them overwhelming me. To stand secure in my understanding, that I am no way responsible for the actions, hearts, souls, of others.
I know this is healthy place to be at. It is not avoiding or suppressing hurt, it is not taking on other people’s shit, as my own.
I always reflect on situations, as gauges of where I am at. I’m okay with where I am at. I see the healing and for that I am thankful.
I would also rather be someone who does want to believe in people, and possibly find out that was a mistake. Than assume everyone is going to let you down. And just appropriately manage the fallout, if someone does.