People can exit your life, so quickly.

It’s sad how someone who was in your life in such a significant way for an extended period of time, who you cared about no doubt far more than you should have… can be gone from your life, so quickly.

Life does indeed go on. But, it’s okay to validate the loss, the emotions, the grieving. Especially when you know they don’t care at all, because their actions spoke so loudly.

I feel a sense of resigned, calm, knowing, grieving. I note there is no fear involved, as there was in the past. No panic to want to resolve the situation

Seeing the souls of people, not their outer appearance.

I’m not remotely interested in the outer shell of a person. I am only interested in the heart and soul of a person. And I search for the inner person. My life has taught me well, how little the outer appearance means and how deceptive it can be.

Propogating plants, my new gardening passion :)

Gardening has become therapy for me. In so many ways. I love it and it brings me joy. I am currently learning how to propagate plants, so that I can grow my own plants and this will cost less long term. I’ve successfully propagated succulents (so easy), agaves, and other plants.

Geraniums have a special significance for me, due to many holidays in Spain, Greece – where geraniums grow abundantly. I can’t afford to go back to these countries, so I’m bringing a little Spain and Greece into my own garden.

Not going to say too much, too soon, at the new counselling.

I am aware in order to figure out someone’s heart, soul, mind, attitude etc…. you have to get to know them. Only then can you ascertain a fuller picture of someone. I don’t intend giving away too much of my own psychology/PTSD/Complex PTSD understanding and insight, or talk about this blog, my website etc, too soon. Not because I want to keep that from the new psychologist, but because I want to get to know her and what she’s about.

I realise I need a very insightful, very mature, very experienced, honest person….. who has very rational thinking. And I will work out whether she does. Over time. And if she does have thinking different to mine

Starting new counselling…. apprehensive, but hopeful too.

The psychologist I have contacted, has let me know she is able to see me. She suggested me contacting my GP to get a referral and a mental health plan, to access some free sessions. Which will be great, so I can get a feel for this person.

I realise you receive very limited sessions via a mental health plan (mental health provision is so underfunded here), so I will need to pay for any outside of that. That’s okay. My husband is stopping using his car soon (due to a new train line) and our outgoings will reduce as a result, which will free finances for any extra health care costs needed.

I also need to see my GP to get my physical health issues followed up appropriately, as the hives, pain etc I have, are not normal. I need to see a specialist about all this. And I’m about 8 years overdue

Yesterday, was a tough day…. but today is already better.

Grieving hurts and that’s okay. It’s a natural, normal emotional need to deal with the end of relationships or situations.

I’m aware I will keep grieving for a long time. I’ve done enough research to know how grieving works. And to not suppress it. It will come and go and has already lessoned in severity and I can manage it better.

I’ve sent a message to a psychologist specialising in PTSD and trauma, to see if she is taking any clients. I realise it will be beneficial for me to continue talking about the grieving etc. I am a resourceful, insightful person,