It’s sad how someone who was in your life in such a significant way for an extended period of time, who you cared about no doubt far more than you should have… can be gone from your life, so quickly.
Life does indeed go on. But, it’s okay to validate the loss, the emotions, the grieving. Especially when you know they don’t care at all, because their actions spoke so loudly.
I feel a sense of resigned, calm, knowing, grieving. I note there is no fear involved, as there was in the past. No panic to want to resolve the situation – by just doing whatever to free myself of the fear, the pain. In the past I’ve taken blame, apologised for what wasn’t my problem to apologise for. That doesn’t happen now.
I can tell it is affecting me. My increased blogging, is an indicator of that. But, that’s okay, that is what my blog is for.
I realise, I just have a resigned acceptance of life, people and what can happen.
There’s no wanting alcohol, or to a need to do something to take the pain away. I’m just sitting with it. It’s like a quiet, calm sense of loss and sadness. There’s tears, but they are quiet tears.
I’ve not really ever known this and it feels weird, but okay.