Healing From Complex Trauma & PTSD/CPTSD

A journey to healing from complex trauma.


Skepticism, is often the mind of someone who actually thinks.


Being a realist, skeptical etc…. is often seen as negativity, by those who don’t think deeply.

Thinkers, thoughtful people, people who choose to consider things deeply and not just follow like sheep…… are often deemed by people to be negative and closed minded. I agree with this quote, that could not be further from the truth. I am not a sheep. Never was and never will be. I don’t buy into lies.

I think far too much. But, that is why I have esteemed mental health professionals valuing my insight and welcoming how I challenge their thinking/views.

I don’t want school chaplains telling my children any abusive religious BS either.


Despite being a Christian, I am seriously concerned about school chaplains, especially having known a few, who were of the right wing, hard line, conservative, spiritually abusive mindset.

Whilst I would like Christianity promoted, I also don’t want people abused and especially not children. And too many church people love to use their religious beliefs to harm others, especially LGBTIQ.

I’ve already seen so called Christians concerned about this, and how their ‘beliefs’ about being gay being sin, being complex issue for chaplains to deal with. It’s not a complex issue at all. Jesus spoke very little about being gay and church people including chaplains need to keep very quiet about their views on being gay, supposedly being sin. When in fact there is a great deal of evidence to state that Biblically, no it is not sin. These church people claim not to judge and tell everyone else not to judge, yet judge gay people continually. Hypocrites. Continue reading


Not sure I agree with refusing a visa to Chris Brown.


Chris Brown the singer, has been refused a visa to come to Australia. This is based on his conviction of domestic violence in 2009. I understand the reasons for wanting to refuse a visa, and this a legally okay.

I also understand domestic violence is a huge topic in Australia atm. Good, so it needs to be. Australia has far too much DV occurring and too often it is condoned, enabled, excused and a lot of victim blaming occurs. I am not in any way okay with any of that. A lot needs to change in Australia, to stop the levels of abuse, violence etc occurring and stop victim blaming.

I believe domestic violence is wrong, not excusable and needs to be taken very seriously, as far too many women and children are dying and being murdered at the hands of those committing domestic violence/abuse. (And yes, women can be abusers too, but so far this year in Australia, all DV murders have been women and children – at the hands of men).

But, this situation with Chris Brown, as far I can see, is a one time abuse situation. I have no idea whether he is remorseful, and whether he has worked on ensuring he is no longer the angry younger man he admits he was. I don’t know where he is at in changing into a decent man, with better morals, better character traits and therefore, I will not assume he is not a better man now, than he was then.

This was a one time incident. Terrible one yes. But, from all I can see, he has not repeated it. Should he be punished for the rest of his life for this one time incident? I believe not. If this was repeated ongoing abuse and he was clearly an unrepentant man, my view would be very different. And I am a survivor of domestic violence/abuse, as my ex husband was an abusive alcoholic and gambling addict, so I do have a voice in this matter.

I have repeatedly stated in counselling, I know people can really fuck up and do things that are very wrong, and have remorse, have regret, have shame about what they have done and want to change for the better. I want people who do wrong and harm others to seek help, have remorse and change for the better. I don’t condemn them to a life of punishment Continue reading

Poem – Unrequited Love. Hurts ~ Lilly Hope Lucario

unrequited love hurts

I dream of you often

At night

In the day.


My love for you,

Not reciprocated

I know and feel

This all too well.


But my love is not

Dependent on yours

As true love never is.


I want what I cannot have

It hurts my heart.

Tears fall.


You cannot be

What I want you to be.

My heart sighs. Continue reading


Unrequited love. Hurts.

When you have deep emotional feelings for a person, and you know you have love for them and that’s not reciprocated, it’s painful. I have loved people in my life and they have not loved me. And this is not about romantic love.

When it’s really significant people and you are someone who feels deeply, it’s really hard. It’s okay to validate this and understand the grieving that comes from not being loved, by people you love dearly.

It’s one of those life issues you cannot fix, you have no control over and no matter what you do… it is not ever resolved the way you want.

unrequited love

unrequited love 2

Continue reading

Churches welcome sex offenders/paedophiles, but abuse gay people. Calling being gay an abomination.

I will never understand the mindset of church people who believe in welcoming paedophiles, sex offenders into their churches – offering up children as potential ‘sacrificial lambs’ in the process. They tell people the paedophiles/sex offenders must be forgiven, must be believed if they claim they won’t offend again. Bible texts are thrown about, with ‘we must not judge’ ‘we are all sinners’ generalisations projected. Grace, mercy etc are twisted to suit.

But….. if you are gay, well ‘that’ is the abominable sin. The terrible sin. The sin supposedly destroying Christianity. As per church people’s twisted interpretation, out of context, of OT verses.

If you are gay, you are pretty much not welcome, you won’t be allowed into ministry, you will be told your sexual orientation is sin and you cannot get married. Regardless of your heart, character and how good you are as a person. Regardless of how kind, compassionate, decent you are…… doesn’t matter. You’re gay.

But, paedophiles, sex offenders….. they have apparently not committed the abominable sin, and their intentional, deliberate and vile abuse they choose to make innocent children endure….. that’s okay. That’s forgivable, immediately. No judgment of their heart or behaviours allowed. And those who do have an opinion on this, are then deemed wrong. And paedophiles/sex offender types, know this. Know they will be protected and use this fully to their advantage. Continue reading


The first 20 years of my life, was surviving hell on earth.

When you are surrounded by evil, with not a single person to rely on, not a single person there for you in any healthy way… it is indeed a type of hell on earth.

My childhood was ‘living in the garden of evil’. Evil was occurring continually. Ongoing intentional abuse, sexual abuse, sexual exploitation, is evil.

I survived every kind of ongoing, severe abuse occurring, from those who were supposed to love, protect and cherish me. Endured the worst forms of betrayal. It should have killed me, and nearly has, many times.

I don’t minimise this anymore. I also do not justify or condone what any of these people did. I don’t make excuses for them. Not anymore. I validate, understand the depths of the harm caused, and the severe issues of those who caused it, condoned it, enabled it. And how deeply wrong all that was/is. Continue reading

More professionals sharing my work, via their websites.

Despite my break from social media, my work is being continually shared and used by professionals for their work with trauma survivors. For that I am thankful and hopeful of the good it is all doing.

On Twitter in the last 2 days, more professionals are sharing my website, my blogs here. It is a continual occurrence. For those they reach and help or validate their experiences/emotions, in any way, I am glad.

It still continually surprises me that professionals, use my work and thank me for it. Continue reading