So sad for Cathriona White. Her last few tweets were so telling.

I am always so sad to hear someone has died by (apparent) suicide. Seeing Jim Carrey’s post – “a kind and delicate flower, too sensitive for this soil, for whom loving and being loved was all that sparkled”, made me emotional.

I see from Cathriona’s last tweets, some telling words. Wanting to be a light for others, whilst obviously in so much pain. The endless search in the desert, wanting the faeries to come and take her away. I don’t know her childhood, or her life story, or any mental health issues. But, I know there will be a story.

I understand on a certain level how this feels. I’m so sad she felt this pain, enough to want to end her life. But, I get it. I’m aware if it weren’t for my children, I would not be here.

Some people feel so deeply, see so much, think so deeply and it can be so overwhelming and so painful.

Wow, when I find out I am helping transgender people through my work, I want to cry.

To receive a message from a transgender community, stating my work, website etc helps them with the PTSD and Complex PTSD many deal with, that to me is huge.

I’ve made is very clear in this blog, I am not okay at all with the prejudice and abuse LGBTIQ people endure, and despite not knowing their journeys many face personally, I have the empathy and intelligence to know, they are human beings who deserve respect.

I base and judge people on their actions and behaviours, not on anything else. Being LGBTIQ does not make someone a freak, weird, bad and all the other labels they get.

My life has taught me sexual orientation, gender, skin colour, religion, does not determine a person. Only their behaviours and actions and how they treat others, matters to me.

I filled up knowing I am reaching and helping people throughout many communities, where so much trauma and abuse occurs. And I am so aware of how much more abuse LGBTIQ communities endure. It’s so very wrong. I see how PTSD and Complex PTSD will result from the types of abuse they endure, from family, society etc.

Huge storm, hail…. all I was worried about was my plants!

I think I am becoming a little obsessed with gardening. It is my joy, my distraction from life, people and PTSD, my mindfulness, my escape. Apparently, I have told this is perfectly okay. I guess if I am going to have a slightly obsessional need, it may as well be something as healthy as gardening.

Yesterday, we had a big storm arrive suddenly and I could see it coming over and managed to get my lettuce and tomatoes under the trampoline before the storm hit. The rain was torrential and hail was pounding down. All I could think of was ‘”nnnnnooooo…….my plants!!!”. Not concerned about our dodgy roof leaking yet again, or the roofs on the cars exposed and having hail damage. Nope, I didn’t care at all about them. Just my plants.

I would have been pretty upset if lots had been damaged. Especially as some of the plants have considerable personal meaning to me. I think it’s okay to be a little upset if that had happened.

Resigned acceptance of knowing a part of me, will always be alone.

My first counsellor told me no-one can be trusted 100%. It was a shock to me then, because trust and honesty are two things I had been searching for in others my entire life, until that point. This being due to the highly toxic environment I was raised in, where I was very alone.

Despite still subconsciously wanting to trust people and trying to do that over the last few years, I do now know 100%, no-one can be trusted. The only person I can trust and rely on, is myself. And I only need myself to trust.

It’s been a process, consolidated by recent events, that have led to me to this resigned acceptance.

I am informed, my work is still being routinely stolen, plagiarised.

I have been very aware of how many people – particularly those who run PTSD pages on social media – steal my work, steal my quotes, and pass them off as their own. It’s theft and a lack of honesty, but they justify it and act outraged if you let them what they are doing, or report them for it.

It’s been brought to my attention of several PTSD pages using my website work, my quotes and taking credit for them.

I see they do not have capacity to write their own work, to write their own quotes, so steal someone else’s and fail to link websites, remove the quote author name etc. I always link authors work, website addresses. I am a decent and honest human being. I instinctively know, stealing is not okay, in any form. I didn’t need to be told this, I could work this out myself and do what is right, decent.