I’m done with expectation… and it is far more peaceful.

I’m aware that expectation in people, leads to heartache. Expectations based upon what a person appears to be, or says they are, or who you want/need them to be …. leads to the harsh reality of who they truly are at some point. And I do always come to know who someone truly is, deep inside.

I’m done with expectation. I’m done with reliance on, or trust in anyone. I realise the only person I can rely on, expect anything from, expect honesty from, expect loyalty from, is myself.

I am okay with that now. I am at peace with that 99% of the time. There is no fear as I write this. No emotional flashbacks rising up. No anxiety. That’s huge progress.

It has become an issue when it is someone I need to have some level of trust in. But, I remind myself, if you don’t attach yourself, or allow yourself to be too emotionally connected to someone, avoid ‘needing’ someone, you don’t need any expectation, or trust in them.

When you are content with yourself, your own resourcefulness (which I have had my entire life), your own capacity for insight, your own capacity to

I postponed the appointment with the psychologist. Still don’t know what to do.

I had an appointment booked this week with a psychologist, and I postponed, because I am confused and don’t know what to do.

Due to issues within my counselling, which have been an ongoing issues that worsened, I had decided to seek new therapy. I recognise there has been good in my counselling, but the negative things have created a lack of trust, a lack of safety and quite frankly, I am tired of them. I’ve blogged about them, so I don’t intend rehashing it.

I also recognise I am not fully healed, I still have ongoing issues, I am still grieving and it would be wise to seek help with that.

I did attend a counselling appointment this week and yet again, confronted the issues and I did receive an apology and a sort of explanation. But, I can’t say I trust the explanation or even believe it represented the situation. She seemed pretty uncomfortable and I could tell she was struggling with talking about ‘her’ stuff.

The perfect day :D

Had such a lovely day today – and I am truly thankful for all the good days I have now.

Started off with beach yoga, which was amazing. My husband and children came with me and they played on the beach, while I attended the yoga group 😀

Then we went for breakfast and it was lovely – and yummy! 😀

My children had their first swim in the pool of the Spring/Summer 2015 season. That was lovely seeing them enjoy the pool and have so much fun 😀

Did some gardening with my husband and we planted another new area and it looks lovely. I also spotted some beautiful flowers growing in my tropical garden area. They are stunning 😀

Yoga is highly recommended for trauma survivors. By the beach, perfect place :)

Went to yoga, at one of my favourite places. It was beautiful. Yoga teacher was lovely, had a chat with her after, as her website shows her art (incredibly talented) and adult colouring. Chatted a little about that.

There are groups 6 days a week, so I should be able to attend one of them around my husbands shifts. I can also take my children and they can play on the grass near the yoga group.

Made me think about the possibility of becoming a yoga teacher in the future and having groups like this by the beach.

Yoga is highly recommended for Complex PTSD and PTSD sufferers. As per Prof. Bessel van der Kolk.