I had an appointment booked this week with a psychologist, and I postponed, because I am confused and don’t know what to do.
Due to issues within my counselling, which have been an ongoing issues that worsened, I had decided to seek new therapy. I recognise there has been good in my counselling, but the negative things have created a lack of trust, a lack of safety and quite frankly, I am tired of them. I’ve blogged about them, so I don’t intend rehashing it.
I also recognise I am not fully healed, I still have ongoing issues, I am still grieving and it would be wise to seek help with that.
I did attend a counselling appointment this week and yet again, confronted the issues and I did receive an apology and a sort of explanation. But, I can’t say I trust the explanation or even believe it represented the situation. She seemed pretty uncomfortable and I could tell she was struggling with talking about ‘her’ stuff.
It is interesting to me how many people struggle with talking about their own issues/wrongs, but are quick to talk about other people’s. And can mock people for theirs, as she has done. I did tell her straight, my ongoing issues in certain areas, are not funny, should not be amusing to her.
I know the majority of people always minimize their wrongs, cover their arses, if they think their wrongs might bite them on the arse. And she even stated once, she believes that is what everyone will do. I disagree, there are some people with integrity, who are willing to fully own their shit. But, I guess when you know ‘you’ won’t, you assume everyone else is the same. But, she is wrong.
It was an awkward conversation, as I also had my son with me.
I do realise no-one is perfect and I expect more from most people than they are capable of. I expect integrity, honesty. I realise I shouldn’t expect it. You’d think my life would have taught me that a long time ago.
They say expectations are the root of all unhappiness.
So, do I make an appointment with the psychologist? I don’t freakin’ know. I’m kinda done with expecting depth and meaning, virtues and honesty, from anyone.